


Like Water

by StoneburntHeart



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Family, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2013-03-31
Packaged: 2017-12-07 02:37:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/743213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoneburntHeart/pseuds/StoneburntHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Glimpses into the life of the Alenko family, post ME3 destroy ending. Huge fluff-fest because I needed my happy ending. Also going to contain some small appearances of crewmembers of the Normandy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Four Letter Word

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a series of more of less closely connected one-shots. It's safe to say that there is going to be a lot of fluff involved since playing the games over and over again just doesn't nearly satisfy my need of Shenko-cuteness. All of these short glimpses are going to be set post ME3, though ... I need my happily ever after. That being said, there are probably going to be spoilers at some point, sometimes through mentioning in dialogue, sometimes through flashbacks.
> 
> English is not my first language, so I hope you can forgive any mistakes I might have made. I'm also looking for a beta reader for future one-shots, so if anyone's interested, feel free to send me a message!
> 
> Everything Mass Effect related belongs to BioWare, even though I really wouldn't mind Kaidan ... but that's another story.
> 
> Background info on the Shepard in this story: Catherine Shepard, Soldier, Spacer, War Hero, Paragon, faithful to Kaidan through the time at Cerberus, light blond hair, blue eyes.
> 
> But enough of my rambling. I hope you enjoy these little stories, let me know what you think!

**9th August 2189**

"Dada!" Little Jeremy Alenko was pawing at the picture of his father Catherine walked past on her way to the kitchen, her son settled on her right hip. However, hearing him call out for his father made her stop dead in her tracks. This was a first. Definitely a first.

Kaidan would be more than sorry to be away today of all days. He had already been gone when she woke up that morning, leaving a note on her nightstand that he had been called into Alliance HQ. He didn't say why, though, her best guess was that it had something to do with the training of biotic children. Their number was supposed to increase drastically over the next few years with all the women who were exposed to Element Zero during the war. Too many ships had gone down, their mass effect cores exploding. There was literally no way to avoid Eezo exposure, too much of it still remained in Earth's atmosphere. And since there were going to be a lot of biotic children, there had to be plans how to teach them. Which was were Kaidan came in. He was assigned as adviser on how the training of those future biotics should be approached. Jack had wrestled her way in, too, which hadn't really surprised Catherine. The woman still known as "the psychotic biotic" knew all too well what could happen if the wrong people got their hands on biotically gifted children. No way in hell would she let her history be reapted.

And usually, Kaidan appreciated the quiet job he got. A few years from now, he would probably even be teaching some of those kids. However, Catherine had a feeling that if her husband had known that their son would chose today of all days to voice something that at least resembled a real word, he would have told whoever called him in to go to hell. Oh, yeah, he was really going to hate to have missed this.

Catherine turned her head to look at her son who in turn looked up at her with his big eyes that had started to turn from their baby-blue to brown. She had known that they would. Jeremy was the spitting image of his father, which had caused Catherine's mother to joke about whether Catherine had even be involved in his conception.

_"Geez, mom. I really should hope so, I mean … giving birth wasn't exactly fun, so I better have had the fun of making him in the first place"_ , she had replied, mischief twinkling in her eyes. She hadn't been able to keep herself from laughing when she noticed the tip of Kaidan's ears going red at her comment. For a man of nearly forty years, he was still way too easy to fluster. Which Catherine took advantage of more often than not.

"Can you say that again? Who is that?" Catherine asked, her finger hovering over Kaidan's image.

It was a picture from their wedding. By far not the best there was, but without question one of her favorites. Kaidan's arms were wrapped around her from behind and she was leaning back, her head resting against his shoulder, matching smiles on their faces while they looked at something the camera hadn't captured. They had been watching Kaidan's parents who were slowly swaying to the music on the small dance floor.

_"Think this is gonna be us in thirty years?" he whispered in her ear, causing her to turn her head and look at him._

_"If we're lucky", she simply replied, still smiling when she pressed her lips to his in a soft kiss. She sighed contently when she felt his grip around her waist tighten the slightest bit. This was were she belonged._

"Dada!" Jeremy's excited voice brought her back to the present. Thank God. There was hope that Kaidan would actually hear the word once he got home.

"That's right little man, it's your daddy", she murmured softly into Jeremy's dark curls before pressing a soft kiss on the top of his head.

The beeping of the terminal in the living room caused her to sigh. Apparently, the moment she just had with her son over. A few quick steps took her to the offensive beeping sound, but the scowl that had settled on her face disappeared in favor of a smile when she saw who was calling.

While answering the call, she moved in front of the terminal, allowing Jeremy to be seen as well.

"Dada!" Jeremy exclaimed in recognition as soon as Kaidan's face appeared in front of him, tinged in orange light.

The man in question groaned, a hand rubbing over his face. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Well, hello to you, too. I'm fine, thanks for asking", Catherine quipped, putting on her best pout while fighting the smile that eventually won and lit up her face.

"Sorry, love, it's just … come on. Couldn't I have been home for this? This is just another evidence that the universe has a cruel sense of humor", Kaidan said, almost whining.

Catherine nodded in understanding. "When are you going to be home? Maybe he will still be awake", she asked.

Kaidan shook his head, regret etched onto his face. "I don't think so. Jack got into another shouting match with some of the Alliance brass and … let's just say that it wasn't pretty and it's gonna take a few more hours to smooth things over."

"Damn", Catherine sighed. Sure, Jack had come a long way since they first met on that prison ship, but the former convict was nowhere near of being called a mellow personality. Especially when the question of educating and training biotic children was concerned. "Want me to try to talk to her?" She asked.

"No, it's … under control. It was a misunderstanding, really, but it really set her off", Kaidan explained. There had been a lot of those already since the meetings on this matter started, keeping him at Alliance HQ when he wanted to go home and be with his family.

"That probably means that I shouldn't wait for you with dinner tonight, either?" Knowing Kaidan, he wouldn't leave before his conscience allowed him to.

"Yeah, sorry. I'll be home as soon as I can, but ..." he started.

"... but you don't know how long it's going to take to sort it all out", she finished, nodding slightly in understanding.

"Alenko, get your ass back in here!" A voice shouted in the background, causing Catherine to mockingly roll her eyes. It wasn't too hard to figure out that the voice calling out for Kaidan belonged to Jack.

"Tell Jack to leave your ass alone, this ring says it belongs to me. If she doesn't, she'll have to answer to me", Catherine said, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth when she held her left hand up, her wedding ring clearly visible.

Kaidan groaned and closed his eyes for a moment. He should have known that this was coming. "Love, I'll never get your infatuation with my behind."

"Sure you don't. Don't think I haven't caught you staring at mine when you think I don't notice", she answered.

Kaidan nervously scratched the back of his head. Busted. "Yeah … right. Listen, I have to go, Cathy. I love you. Kiss Jeremy for me."

Catherine pressed a soft kiss on her son's head. "Done. I love you, too. See you later."

With a sigh, she ended the call before looking at her son. He was still staring at the terminal where the image of his father had been just a second ago. "Looks like it's just you and me for the rest of the day, little man", she said.

The little boy said something in his own language that sounded like gibberish to her but probably made perfect sense to him. One never knew with baby talk. "Yeah … we'll find something to keep us occupied. Teasing daddy all day is getting boring, anyway", Catherine answered. Most likely, her son would take on the task of keeping her occupied … but she wouldn't have it any other way.


	2. Boom Boom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _You looked me in the eyes and something inside went (boom boom)  
>  Oh what beautiful night, you set something off inside  
> Just like a stick of dynamite_
> 
> _\- Schmidt, "Boom Boom"_

**9th August 2189**

When Kaidan got home, he heard the familiar sound of explosions coming from the living room. He took off his shoes and jacket and went to investigate, but the view that greeted him made him stop in the doorway, a smile appearing on his face that had held an exhausted look only seconds ago. Catherine was curled up on the couch, sleeping, while what he supposed to the be latest Blasto movie played on the vid-terminal. He entered the room and turned the movie off before heading towards his sleeping wife. Kaidan brushed a strand of golden hair away and traced a line over her cheek, not able to help himself, even with no intentions of waking her up. He should have known better, though, because a moment later, Catherine slowly opened her eyes.

"Hey. Look who remembered where he lives", she said, her voice a little hoarse from sleep and a lazy smile on her lips.

Kaidan leaned down to kiss her. "You can thank Jack for that. I would have been here hours ago if her temper hadn't gotten the best of her – again."

Catherine sat up, allowing Kaidan to take the spot next to her. As soon as he was settled, she leaned into him, his arm moving around her almost on autopilot. She put her head on his shoulder, her lips ghosting over his jaw where she could already feel the stubble Kaidan never seemed to be able to get rid of completely.

"Guess you'll have to wait until tomorrow to be called dad in person … or, well, as close to that as it gets yet, I suppose."

Kaidan put his index finger under her chin, forcing her gently to turn her head up so he could press another soft kiss to her lips. "If I didn't know better, I'd accuse Joker of giving our son lessons in timing", he said, rolling his eyes. Catherine laughed and curled up closer in his embrace.

"That's … not gonna happen. At least if Joker favors his brittle bones intact", she mumbled, remembering how the pilot had gotten in the way of her first kiss with Kaidan. She still hadn't fully forgiven Joker for ruining that perfect moment. Kaidan's chuckle made the smile on her face grow a bit wider. "By the way, there's food for you in the kitchen. And your precious Canadian lager in the fridge."

After discovering that their fridge had been frighteningly empty earlier, Catherine had grabbed Jeremy after his afternoon nap and gone shopping. It still amazed her how fast society had been in rebuilding after the war had ended. Only three years had passed and a lot of things – even if by no means everything – had gone back to the way they were before the Reapers attacked. Of course it would still take a few years to rebuild everything that was destroyed. Entire cities had been turned into rubble and dust, after all. But humanity was getting back on its feet, seemingly emerging from the ruins stronger than ever. Everyone had been to hell and back – you couldn't make it through something like that without growing stronger.

"Thanks, love. I'm starving", Kaidan replied, the rumbling of his empty stomach confirming his statement.

"I didn't really feel like cooking, though. I hope pizza is enough for your biotic stomach", Catherine said.

Three years ago, she had no idea how to cook. She knew how to shoot a gun. How to throw a grenade. How to kill someone with the blade of her omnitool or how to cause a big-ass explosion. But cooking? They didn't cover that in basic or the N-program and spending most of her life on ships, she had never needed to know how to do it, anyway. However, when she had admitted that she most likely set a kitchen on fire or make a stove explode, Kaidan's mother had taken it upon herself to teach Catherine how to cook.

To say it was frustrating at first would have been an understatement. Commander Shepard, savior of the galaxy, was tempted more often than not to pull out her beloved Cain and get rid of the kitchen as an excuse to stop the lessons. But then again, her sense of honor wouldn't allow her to be defeated by a task billions mastered effortlessly – Kaidan included. She had defeated the Reapers; she wouldn't lose against already dead animals, vegetables or fruit. In the end, she had won the battle with the domestic task.

"Sure. Anything edible and I'm game right now", Kaidan answered. Catherine tried to get up from the couch, only to be pulled back by his arm that went from her shoulders to her waist. "And where do you think you're going?"

"To get you your food? You're obviously not going to and I won't listen to your mom accusing me of letting you starve", she stated.

"Okay, okay. No accusations for you, alright", Kaidan laughed before getting up to grab his food. When he came back a few minutes later, he balanced a plate with the reheated pizza and silverware in one hand and two bottles of beer in the other.

Catherine grabbed the bottles from him and put them on the coffee table that was still littered with Jeremy's toys from a play session she had initiated to tire him out an hour after his usual bedtime. However, she raised an eyebrow when she saw the silverware. "Kaidan … what's that?"

"Most known civilizations use these nifty little inventions or something similar when they eat", he answered, already aware of where this was going. They had this talk every time they had pizza. Catherine insisted that the only real way to eat it was to use your hands since the slices where just the right size to do exactly that; however, Kaidan wasn't too fond of the idea.

Catherine rolled her eyes. "So you're basically calling me what, a cavewoman?"

Kaidan set the plate down on the table before turning around and stealing a kiss from her. "Maybe", he simply said, a grin on his face when he pulled away.

"If I'm a cavewoman, then our son will turn into a caveman. Because there is no way I'm going to let you teach him that you need silverware to eat pizza", she replied. Kaidan sighed and put down the apparently offensive things. He wouldn't win this argument anyway. He never did. So he might as well give up now.

While Kaidan ate, Catherine told him about what Jeremy had been up to all day after the vid-call that had made Kaidan regret leaving the house. Once he was finished, he took the plate back to the kitchen before grabbing the beer from the table and pulling Catherine close again with his free arm. It hadn't taken too long to eat the whole thing, either, since he more or less inhaled his food, thanks to giving in to Catherine's teasing. Even if he didn't approve, he had to admit that this got the job of filling his empty stomach done a lot faster. He would never voice that thought, though. Catherine wouldn't let him live it down if he did. Ever.

Kaidan told her about the things that had gone wrong in the meeting, though. Some apparent experts on teaching had suggested that the future biotic kids should be kept in training facilities. Of course it had reminded him of Jump Zero and he would have opposed – but he never got the chance. Jack had seen red, the whole idea reminding her of her own past and the place on Pragia she blew up once she got the chance.

Catherine sighed, taking a sip from her own bottle of beer. Didn't those people ever learn? "I'm surprised you actually managed to calm her down and continue your meeting after that. On the other hand, her temper's not the same it was when I first met her. She would have killed the guy on the spot, back then", she remarked, slightly shaking her head. Jack had grown up a lot during their mission, sure, but the teaching job at Grissom Academy was what really changed her, even if the biotic would never admit it.

"It wasn't easy, that's for sure", Kaidan said while his fingertips drew lazy patterns on her arm. Catherine closed her eyes and leaned into his side, enjoying the silent comfort their current position offered. What felt like just a moment later, Kaidan sat up straight, taking her bottle from her and putting it on the table next to his.

"I wasn't finished, you kn- hey!" she protested, but cut herself short when his hands circled her waist and he grabbed her and pulled her on his lap so she was straddling him. Catherine laughed and leaned in for a quick kiss. "What do you think you're doing?" She demanded, a playful tone in her voice. She bit her bottom lip when she felt his hands slowly slide upwards from her waist and slip under her shirt, shivers running down her spine as soon as his fingers met her bare skin.

"Showing you a nicer way to end the evening than that Blasto movie", he replied, his brown eyes staring into her blue ones.

"Are you sure? I was actually really enjoying that movie. Until I fell asleep, that is. Which was totally Jeremy's fault, anyway", Catherine argued, a challenging smirk on her lips. She was trying to play it cool, even when all she wanted to do right now was kiss him until he couldn't even remember his own name anymore. Her heart had started to beat faster at some point – and louder, the sound resonating in her ears - and she could have sworn that Kaidan just had to hear it.

Kaidan didn't answer but pulled her in for the exact kiss she had been longing for and that made any rational thought leave her mind. Damn him for still having that effect on her. When he released her lips, he starting kissing her neck, slowly making his way towards a spot that usually broke the last bit of resistance she sometimes put up for good measure. Or to remind him not to take for granted what was in front of him just because they were married, as she liked to put it.

"Pretty sure", he finally mumbled against her skin, pulling her body against his firmly when he started kissing and nibbling on that certain spot below her left ear. When her only response was a moan of approval and her hand weaving into his hair to ensure that he continued what he was doing, Kaidan knew that he won at least one argument with Catherine today – which also happened to be the most important one to him right now.

_'Enkindle this, Blasto'_ , the Human Spectre thought while enjoying the victory over his fictional Hanar colleague.


	3. Like Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> _One morning I woke up, looked over and kissed your shoulder, it felt so right_  
>  You didn't wake, I could see it in your face; you knew my intention right  
> Sometimes I swear our connection was made amongst the stars and makes me feel alive  
> Our love is powerful, so powerful, moving mountains in the night  
> Oh, and I know sometimes this is hard for us, I know we sacrifice and get scarred, and cut, oh  
> I know it, I feel us moving, let's never lose us this, this movement  
> Momentum is building, our union is fluid like water, clean, clear, crisp, we got a love just like this, water  
> Our love is like water
> 
>  
> 
> _\- Ladi6, "Like Water"_

**July 28th 2190**  
  
The first thing Catherine noticed when she woke up from her deep slumber was the dead weight keeping her pressed close to a warm body behind her. Strange. She hadn't noticed Kaidan slipping into bed last night. It had been another late-night session in Alliance headquarters for him. Sometimes she wondered if they would get around to making actual plans once these biotic children were old enough to be taught … but with all the red tape, things were moving slowly at the best of times, but even more often they weren't going anywhere at all. Which meant that as of late, her husband had been absent a lot, leaving her to deal with their by now nearly two-year-old son alone.  
  
But today, nothing could get him to leave, she was sure of that. She put her hand on top of his that rested on her stomach and felt the gold of his wedding ring warm with body heat. Three years. Christ … where did the time go? It felt like it was only yesterday when Joker had gotten so smashed that he thought dancing on top of a table with an equally drunk Samantha Traynor sounded like a good idea. He still claimed that the broken bones from the fall had been totally worth it, but somehow Catherine couldn't bring herself to fully believe that even now.  
  
She lifted Kaidan's arm and moved slightly so she could lay on her back before putting his arm back down, trying not to wake him. Catherine held her breath for a seconds when he shifted beside her, but all he did was bury his head in the crook of her neck and pull her closer. His even breathing calmed her down. He was still fast asleep. She smiled and absentmindedly began playing with the dark hair at the back of his neck and pressed her lips to his bare shoulder in a soft kiss. The gray hair that had started to appear at his temples years ago had gotten a little more prominent since then, but Catherine didn't mind – on the contrary, she thought it was pretty sexy, even if Kaidan claimed that she was making fun of him when she first told him.  
  
The golden ring on his left hand glistened in the sparse sunlight that entered the bedroom through the blinds and Catherine sighed softly. She still had a hard time wrapping her mind around the fact that already three years since had passed since he put a matching ring on her own finger.  
  
 **July 28th 2187**  
  
 _When the Council and some of Alliance brass had wanted to turn their wedding into a big media event, Catherine had put her best Commander-fucking-Shepard face on and told them all to go to hell and where to stick it while they were on their way. This was about Kaidan and her, not about politics. She had been brutally clear about that. So when the day came, only family and close friends – nearly all of them members of the Normandy crew - were invited. Now, about 40 people were seated in the backyard of the house belonging to the orchard in BC interior that Kaidan's parents had been on their way to when the Reapers attacked and that had survived the war – like most rural places._  
  
 _"When we first met, you were … the most intimidating XO I've ever had, as well as the most beautiful, which, granted, wasn't that hard considering that most XOs are middle-aged men growing beards because they're starting to go bald", Kaidan started, earning him a slight chuckle from Catherine as well as the people witnessing the small ceremony. "You had me fumbling for words like a teenager, my boot firmly planted into my mouth instead of on deck most of the time." Catherine laughed, unable to resist the urge when she remembered their early talks. "But over time, I got to know you and I realized that you were as beautiful on the inside as you were on the outside. I fell in love, knowing that I shouldn't because you were way too far out of my league. I told myself that, while you always stopped by at my workstation to talk to me and even flirt with me, there was no way that you could ever feel the same way about me. But then you showed me that you did and I was the happiest man in the galaxy, even if I couldn't act on it because there were regs, as you liked to point out back then." Catherine bit her bottom lip to keep herself from interrupting him. "And then, we were rushing into hell headfirst and you made me realize that there are more important things than regulations." She chuckled, remembering how reluctant Kaidan had been that night before Ilos, even after he had come to her cabin. It felt like a lifetime ago. "We have been through so much since then. I lost you once", Kaidan paused, swallowing the lump in his throat that had instantly formed at the thought, "and a part of me died with you. And then we got a second chance and I was too shell-shocked to seize it the very second you stood in front of me. And it took another suicide mission and the invasion of Earth until I finally had the chance to make it right. We've been to hell and back, Catherine … but we made it. And through it all, it was you who kept me fighting. The thought of you, the way you still sometimes manage to turn me into a blabbering idiot with nothing but a smile, the way you make my heart beat faster just by being near me. When you were gone, my life was dull and gray and I felt like I was suffocating. You brought the light back and with you at my side, I can breathe again. I love you, more than I could ever say, and I will love you until my last breath." Kaidan let go of one of her hands to wipe away the lonely tear that made its way down Catherine's cheek. She slightly turned her head and pressed a soft kiss to the palm of his hand before reaching for it, giving it a light squeeze as she smiled at him._  
  
 _"Congratulations, you made me cry in public. I hope you realize that there are several people here who will never let me live that down", Catherine said, chuckling when she heard Joker say "Damn right" from where he sat behind Kaidan. "I had this big speech prepared, but , standing here, I can't remember a single word I wrote down. So this is not going to go as planned, but when has it ever when I'm involved?" Kaidan laughed at that, his whiskey-colored eyes sparkling. "You know what the first thing was I thought when I saw you on the original Normandy? 'Dear God, those eyes … this guy is going to be trouble.' I felt like all you had to do was look me in the eyes to be able to read my thoughts and stare right into my soul. It was only much later when you told me how nervous you were and how Joker had had a field day making fun of you. And then we were on the Citadel and you inadvertently came as close to calling me beautiful as you could get without actually saying the words. And that was when I realized that you really were going to be trouble. Turns out I was right. Every time you demonstrated how good you were at putting your foot in your mouth and rambling out apologies, all I wanted to do was tell you to shut up and kiss you senseless. But, thinking about it now, your by-the-book self back then would probably have fainted if I did that, so it's most likely a good thing that I didn't act on that impulse." Catherine chuckled when she saw Kaidan rolling his eyes. "But you're right, we had to go through a lot since then to get here. We had some pretty hard times, and, I'm not going to lie, sometimes I thought that we had our chance and we blew it. Seems like I was wrong about that – thank God or the Goddess or whatever deity is out there. Because I just can't imagine my life without you in it. You mean the world to me, Kaidan, and not a single day goes by that I wonder what I did to deserve a man like you. Where I like to rush into things headlong, you have the patience of a saint. You keep me grounded, show me what's really important. You were my guiding light in my darkest hours, the rock I could hold on to and my soft place to land at the same time. Even if you had a hard time pulling out a simple 'It will be alright' in the beginning." They both chuckled at the memory. "But in the end, what I'm trying to say is simple, really: I love you, Kaidan, and I always will, no matter what happens and until my last breath."_  
  
 _A sniffling sound could be heard and Catherine saw Kaidan's mother as well as her own and Liara wiping their eyes. Oh great. They had made Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard and the Shadow Broker cry. She would never hear the end of it._  
  
 _…_  
  
 _"You sure that you don't wanna run away with me, Lola?"_  
  
 _Catherine laughed and shook her head while she held up her left hand that now held a simple, elegant golden ring. "Sorry James, too late for that. I'm already hitched, you should have asked me sooner."_  
  
 _"Can't blame a guy for trying", Vega defended his earlier statement grinning, before he grabbed her in what could only be described as a big bear hug. "Congratulations. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's you."_  
  
 _"Thank you, James", she said and kissed his cheek. There was a special bond between her and the younger man who had first guarded her for six months and then went along for the ride to save the galaxy even if he initially had wanted to stay on Earth and fight._  
  
 _"Hey, Kaidan, watch out, she's already kissing another guy!" Joker exclaimed, laughing when Kaidan whirled around with a somewhat alarmed look on his face._  
  
 _When he saw what prompted his best man to nearly give him a heart attack, he glared at the pilot. "Funny. Really. I'm crying tears of laughter inside, believe me", he answered. Next to him, Catherine let go of James to smack Joker's biceps._  
  
 _"Watch it, Shepard, you break it, you buy it!" Joker said, making a show of rubbing the spot where she had hit him._  
  
 _She blinked at him innocently. "I have no idea who you are talking to. My name's Alenko", she quipped, unable to fight the smile that spread across her face._  
  
 _"Ugh, that's it, I'm hitting the bar. All this lovey-dovey stuff is gonna make me puke otherwise", Joker grumbled before hobbling off to get something to drink, dragging Vega with him._  
  
 _Catherine bit her bottom lip to keep herself from laughing, but to no avail. Kaidan wrapped his arm around her, laughing as well. She looked up at him, still chuckling._  
  
 _"Happy, Misses Alenko?" He asked, brushing a strand of blond hair behind her ear before kissing her temple._  
  
 _"Very happy", she replied. "Oh no", she mumbled when she saw her mother approaching and turned around to bury her face in Kaidan's shoulder._  
  
 _"Catherine Grace Shepard, do you have any idea what you have done?" Hannah Shepard started, her gaze fixed on her daughter._  
  
 _"It's Alenko now, Mom", she corrected, her voice muffled and she could feel Kaidan's silent laughter rumbling in his chest._  
  
 _"Do you know when the last time was that I cried?" the Rear Admiral asked._  
  
 _"No?" Catherine's reply was soft when she slowly turned around to face Hannah. Her mother apparently meant business._  
  
 _Kaidan looked down at her, amazed how the woman that had freed the galaxy from the Reaper threat subdued when she got confronted by her mother._  
  
 _"That was 33 years ago, young lady. After I had given birth to you", the older woman informed her daughter who in turn cringed at being called 'young lady'. Then, her eyebrow shot up. Kaidan could have sworn to hear the wheels in her head turning._  
  
 _"Wait a second, you didn't cry when you heard that I ..." Catherine didn't get to finish the sentence because Kaidan put a finger over her lips._  
  
 _"Let's not go there today, hm?" he asked, looking at her with almost pleading eyes._  
  
 _Catherine huffed and pressed a kiss to the fingertip that still rested on her lips to keep her from talking. When Kaidan lowered his hand, she sighed. "Fine. But only because I'm weak when you look at me like a lost puppy", she informed him, mentally kicking herself when the words registered and she saw the smirk appearing on his face. Crap. 'Double crap', she thought, when she saw his eyes sparkle with mischief. She really shouldn't have told him that. "By the way, I was going to say 'that I survived on the Citadel'. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Kaidan", she added, trying her best to pout before directing her attention back to her mother. "I cried with relief when I realized that you made it", she informed her._  
  
 _Hannah Shepard rolled her eyes. "Not the point, Catherine", she said. Then, a grin slowly spread on her face that was soon enough mirrored on her daughter's face. Kaidan had no idea what was happening, but soon enough, the women in front of him hugged each other tightly. "I'm so happy for you, darling", the older woman whispered. "You're dad would be so proud of you."_  
  
 _"I wish he were here", Catherine replied._  
  
 _"Me, too, believe me." Hannah let go of her daughter and moved on to Kaidan. "Take good care of her", she demanded, a small smile on her face._  
  
 _"I will. Don't worry about that, Hannah", Kaidan promised when he hugged his mother-in-law. He knew that this was a promise he would never break if he could help it._


	4. I Shall Believe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Come to me now and lay your hands over me_  
>  Even if it's a lie, say it will be alright  
> And I shall believe  
> I'm broken in two and I know you're on to me  
> That I only come home when I'm so all alone  
> But I do believe  
> That not everything is gonna be the way you think it ought to be  
> It seems like every time I try to make it right ,it all comes down on me  
> Please say honestly you won't give up on me  
> And I shall believe 
> 
> _\- Sheryl Crow, "I Shall Believe"_

**28th July 2187**  
  
 _"Do we have to?" Catherine whined, a pleading look on her face._  
  
 _Kaidan chuckled. "You're not getting out of this one. It's a tradition."_  
  
 _"So? We said screw traditions when it came to spending the night before the wedding apart", she tried again, biting her bottom lip._  
  
 _"Come on. You make it sound like torture. It's just a dance, Cathy", he said, holding his hand out to her._  
  
 _Catherine sighed. He wouldn't let this go. "Same damn thing if you ask me", she grumbled, but took his hand nonetheless._  
  
 _"What are you afraid of? That you just might actually enjoy yourself?" Kaidan asked when he led her to the makeshift dance floor._  
  
 _"I'm not afraid of anything. You should be afraid if your toes are going to survive the next few minutes", she answered, glancing pointedly towards his feet. She had endured her friends making fun of her dancing skills – or lack thereof – for long enough to know that they had a point._  
  
 _"I feel like taking a risk. Besides, it's not even a waltz, so calm down", he said, kissing her temple to reassure her._  
  
 _"Right. If you had insisted on that waltz, I definitely would have bailed", she murmured, still unhappy about the task she had to face._  
  
 _Kaidan chuckled. "I know. That's why I dropped it when I saw the look on your face when I even suggested it."_  
  
 _"Laugh it up, Alenko. Let's get this over with." Catherine couldn't stop the surprised gasp when Kaidan twirled her around before pulling her close to him. "Warn me next time you wanna do something like that", she said, her eyes slightly widened, when she put her arms around his shoulders._  
  
 _"I don't think so. More fun this way", he answered. Kaidan then nodded shortly at Joker who was responsible for the music – at least for this very moment._  
  
 _A slow song came on that Catherine had never heard before. She relaxed in Kaidan's arms when they started to sway to the slow melody and smiled when he started to whisper the lyrics in her ear._  
  
 _"Even if it's a lie, say it will be alright, and I shall believe", he murmured in her ear._  
  
 _She could hear him smiling at the words. It didn't take a genius to figure out why he had chosen the song. "Where the hell did come across this?" she asked as she put her head on his shoulder, soaking in the feeling of his arms around her._  
  
 _"My mom actually suggested it", Kaidan said._  
  
 _"Really?" Catherine couldn't hide the surprise in her voice._  
  
 _"Yeah. I … we talked a lot after … after the Normandy went down." Kaidan stopped and took a breath. Even with her in his arms, it was hard to talk about it. "I told her a lot about you and ... about us. At one point, I came to the point when you teased me that I couldn't even come up with a simple comforting line. She obviously remembered that bit when she helped me look for a song. She found it in a music collection that belonged to my great-grandmother", he explained._  
  
 _"Remind me to thank her later", she whispered and closed her eyes for a moment. She listened to the song, letting Kaidan guide her through the slow movements. "This really is us", she finally concluded. No matter what happened … as long as Kaidan was beside her, loving her, giving her strength and believing in her, she could do anything._  
  
 _"Yeah, it is", he simply answered._  
  
 _They continued to dance as the next song came up, lost in their own world. They hadn't even noticed that a few other couples had joined them. Kaidan's parents, Ken Donnelly and Gabby Daniels, Jacob and his soon-to-be wife Brynn, even Garrus and Tali along with a few members of Kaidan's family._  
  
 _Catherine smiled when she caught sight of her best friend dancing with the Quarian. "So much for that being just a fling", she murmured to herself._  
  
 _"What?" Kaidan asked._  
  
 _"Tali and Garrus. I sort of walked in on them on the Normandy once and Tali claimed how it was just a fling and told Garrus that she was only using him for his body", she explained, grinning._  
  
 _"They were way too obvious about it for it to be just a fling, anyway", he said, thinking about the behavior of the two aliens over the last couple of months. They were still stuck on Earth because the repairs on the relays were moving slowly, but they didn't seem to mind._  
  
 _"Yeah, they were … well, I'm happy for them", she added as an afterthought._  
  
 _"Me, too", Kaidan replied, looking down at the woman in his arms. Her blond hair had grown out over the last eighteen months. She hadn't cut it when she was imprisoned, there had been no time to do so when they were on their mission and afterwards she claimed that she had gotten used to it and she didn't want to cut it anymore. Now, the long tresses fell down her back in soft curls, a few strands held back from her face with a clip. The white dress she wore was simple, not a princess-like gown with a big, overflowing skirt and sparkling details but a strapless embroidered bodice and a skirt that lacked fancy details. Simple, but it was her. Anything else and he would have thought someone talked her into wearing it."Have I told you how beautiful you look?" he asked._  
  
 _She lifted her head, smiling at him. "I think you did … but it doesn't hurt to hear it again", she answered. "Besides, you clean up pretty nicely, too" she added._  
  
 _Kaidan chuckled and kissed her temple. "You look stunning, Cathy", he said, before lowering his voice, "I can't wait to get you out of that dress, though."_  
  
 _She raised an eyebrow at the statement. "And here I thought you liked it."_  
  
 _"Oh, I do, really, it looks great. But I think it will look even better over the back of a chair or on the floor when I show you just how much I love you later", he whispered in her ear, a smile on his lips when he noticed the goosebumps that his statement had caused to appear._  
  
 _"Tease", Catherine accused him, making him laugh._  
  
 _"May I cut in?" A voice behind them asked, effectively bringing them back to the present._  
  
 _"Sure, Dad", Kaidan said and slowly released his wife._  
  
 _"I'm not sure you wanna do that, Robert. Just because Kaidan's not limping yet doesn't mean that your toes will be save from harm, too", Catherine warned her father-in-law, smiling._  
  
 _"I think I'll be fine", he replied when he wrapped his arms around her._  
  
 _"Don't say I didn't warn you." She watched Kaidan walk over to her mother who looked just as panicked at the idea of dancing as she had a while ago. Well, at least now he knew where she got it from._  
  
 _"Thank you", Robert said, grabbing her attention again._  
  
 _"For what?" Catherine asked, confusion written over her face._  
  
 _"For bringing my son back alive. For making him happy. Take your pick", he answered, a warm smile on his face that reminded her of Kaidan._  
  
 _Catherine shook her head. "Don't thank me for that."_  
  
 _"For a long time, I thought he would never be able to be truly happy again after what happened at BAaT. It weighed him down more than I think he even realized himself. I'm just glad I was wrong. And that I gained the savior of the galaxy as my daughter-in-law in the process, well, that's just a benefit", he teased._  
  
 _Catherine rolled her eyes, smiling. "Well, then I guess you're welcome. And I'm so glad you approve", she said, the second part underlined with good-natured sarcasm._  
  
 _Robert laughed. "I have a feeling that Kaidan couldn't have cared less if we approved of his choice or not."_  
  
 _Over Robert's shoulder, Catherine saw the man in question twirl her mother around who had a hard time keeping her feet on the ground. Maybe she wasn't the worst dancer at her own wedding, after all._  
  
 **28th July 2190**  
  
Catherine was pulled out of her memories when she felt Kaidan's lips leaving a trail of soft kisses on her neck. She sighed, a smile on her lips when she lazily combed a a hand through his hair, making it stand up in various odd angles.  
  
"Good morning", she whispered when she heard him groan in protest of her actions.  
  
Kaidan pulled away and propped himself up on his elbow so he could look at her. "Good morning", he answered before leaning down and kissing her lips. Catherine pulled him down slightly, deepening the kiss. She shivered when she felt Kaidan's free hand slowly tracing down her body. "Happy anniversary", he mumbled against her lips when he had to pull away.  
  
"Happy anniversary", she replied, smiling into the kiss Kaidan initiated as soon as the words had left her lips.  
  
When the kiss ended, Kaidan rolled over on his back and pulled Catherine with him. She curled up next to him, her head resting on his chest, her hand over his heart, their legs tangled together. If she had to describe the moment, she would have called it perfect. Kaidan took her hand and intertwined their fingers.  
  
"I was just thinking about our wedding", she told him after several moments of silence.  
  
"Anything in particular?" he asked as his free hand drew small circles on her back.  
  
"Our dance", she simply said. His chuckled vibrated in his chest.  
  
"Oh, you mean the dance you were so afraid of at first?" Kaidan teased.  
  
"I wasn't afraid. I just didn't want to hurt you", she defended herself.  
  
"Yeah, well, you didn't. And you enjoyed it, don't even try to convince me otherwise", he stated. He remembered the satisfied smile on her face, how right it had felt to hold her in his arms while swaying on that wooden dance floor in the middle of the orchard.  
  
"I wasn't going to, don't worry", she answered. They were silent for a moment before a memory made her shake with silent laughter.  
  
"What is it?" Kaidan asked, looking down at her. When she raised her head to look at him, her blue eyes were sparkling with happiness.  
  
"Remember when James tried to hit on your cousin?" Catherine replied, making Kaidan laugh with her at the memory.  
  
"Of course. Apparently, his pick-up line was so bad that her drink just begged to be poured in his face", he said. "She never told me what he said, by the way."  
  
"James never told me, either", she agreed.  
  
"Doesn't surprise me. Knowing you, you'd never let him live it down." Kaidan softly pinched her side, making her yelp in surprise.  
  
"You're gonna regret doing that, my dear husband", she warned him, the sugary-sweet tone in her voice contrasting the words she spoke while the amused sparkle in her eyes still remained.  
  
"I don't think so, my dear wife", he replied, letting go of her hand. A second later, Kaidan used their tangled legs to his advantage and flipped them over, eliciting another surprised yelp from Catherine and effectively boxing her in when he balance his weight on his arms.  
  
Catherine quickly composed herself again and rolled her eyes when she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him down. "Just you wait. I'll let you live in your little bubble where you think you're nice and save just a little bit longer, but then ..."  
  
She was cut off by a kiss that made her head spin. Happy anniversary, indeed.


	5. Only One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Cause' something's breaking up, I feel like giving up_  
>  I won't walk out until you know  
> Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you  
> You are my only one  
> I let go, but there's just no one who gets me like you do  
> You are my only, my only one 
> 
> _\- Yellowcard, "Only One"_

**14th April 2191**  
  
Catherine Shepard had never been a jealous person. Granted, after meeting Kaidan on Horizon and the message that had followed, she had felt the emotion briefly. For him, it had been two years, but for her, it only had been a few weeks. So reading that he had a date with another woman – it was hard and it had hurt. But at the same time, she realized that she didn't have a right to be jealous. She had been dead. And if she was honest, she knew that she wanted him to move on because he deserved to be with someone who loved him. Had she stayed dead … she wouldn't have wanted him to stay alone.  
  
Catherine Alenko had never been a jealous person, either. She had no reason to, being married to a man like Kaidan who was the very model of loyalty. However, her mindset had changed a few months ago when a behavior analyst had joined the team Kaidan and Jack – even though she still hadn't learned to keep her cool – belonged to. Megan Smith. Every time she heard the name, Catherine felt like punching something. Or someone. From day one, Kaidan kept talking about the young woman who apparently was a prodigy and who provided advise on how the children should be taught to deal with their gift. Kaidan put the 24-year-old woman on a pedestal and Catherine hated it. She didn't want to hear him ranting about how great that other woman was. How bright or how witty she was and how great the civilian handled herself around the members of Alliance military that were part of the team.  
  
She had tried to take her mind off the matter by keeping herself busy. About a year ago, Catherine started to help coordinate the rebuilding effort of the mass relays and reorganization of military structures. She had retired from active duty initially because she had seen enough battle to last her ten lifetimes, but then she had Jeremy and she knew that she had made the right decision. Her son needed her and she had given enough of herself for everyone else. She felt entitled to be selfish just once and lead a somewhat calm life. Hadn't she deserved a little peace and quiet after everything she'd done? But she still wanted to help move things along and this seemed the right way to do so.  
  
When Catherine started working on her assigned projects, she first thought that her presence would be required at Alliance HQ and that she had to make arrangements for Jeremy. However, she quickly realized that she could do most of her work at home, receiving and sending data over the extranet. She was happy about it, being able to help and keeping an eye on her son at the same time. When he had been born, Catherine wanted to stay at home, watch him grow up. Because growing up on ships, the one thing she missed most was spending time with her mother. Hannah Shepard had been busy most of the time and simply didn't have time to take care of her, something the older woman regretted today, as she had told her daughter. Catherine wanted to do things differently. She wanted to be there when her son took his first steps or said his first word. So far, she had succeeded in that.  
  
However, keeping herself busy only worked for so long before the green-eyed monster took control of her thoughts and actions. Tonight, when they had sat down on the couch and Kaidan told her a supposedly funny story about how Megan made an older behavior analyst stutter in embarrassment and that Kaidan was going to have lunch with the younger woman again tomorrow, Catherine couldn't take it anymore. She snapped, her jealousy getting the best of her and before she knew it, she had accused Kaidan of having an affair with the behavior analyst.  
  
Why else would he rant about her so much? Why else would he work late hours on a nearly daily basis when he hadn't before? He wasn't even making an effort to hide it, telling her how he allegedly had to stay because Megan needed his input on something or how they had lunch together. Yeah, right. And the Batarians suddenly developed a soft spot for humanity. Kaidan had been shocked at first when she fired away with her accusations, but the shock quickly turned into anger and he got defensive. What had he done to make her think that he betrayed her?  
  
"Jesus, Kaidan, you can't even admit it! Can't you at least be honest about it? Don't I deserve that much?" She crossed her arms in front of her chest, closing off physically as much as she had emotionally. The anger was evident on her face.  
  
"There is nothing to be honest about, Catherine! You're imagining things!" Kaidan had no idea how they had gotten into this argument. One minute, they sat on the couch and talked, the next they stood, verbally attacking each other.  
  
"Oh, so it's just my imagination running wild that you can't stop talking about her? _Megan is great, did I tell you what Megan found out, Megan told me today that …_ Megan, Megan, Megan! The way you just keep talking about her makes me wonder if the sun's actually shining out of her ass. But, yeah, guess I really am just imagining things." The last words were laced with sarcasm.  
  
"She's just a colleague, okay?!" All he could do right now was defend himself. However, he didn't like the position she put him in. Because usually, if a person got defensive, there was a certain truth to whatever they were accused of.  
  
"Yeah, right. And the Collectors just wanted to play tag", she deadpanned, a sick sense of pleasure surging through her when she saw him wince at the mention of the creatures that had killed her once.  
  
"You're being irrational! Calm down, for Christ's sake!" Neither of them realized that their voices had steadily gown louder, turning their argument into a screaming match.  
  
"Sorry, I bet your precious prodigy scientist Megan wouldn't be irrational. My bad. I just … God, Kaidan. I thought this was for real. Us. I certainly never saw this coming. Is this some sort of midlife-crisis thing because you're nearly forty? Or is it just the fact that she's younger and prettier and smarter that made you realize that this wasn't enough for you?" While she spoke, she had uncrossed her arms and waved around the living room, not pointing at anything in particular. "Tell me one thing: just how stupid do you think I am? Sure, I was tutored on the ships my mother served on and didn't go to a regular school, but that doesn't make me an idiot. Do you really expect me to believe that crap about working late when you never had to before she pranced into Alliance headquarters? If it quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, then _it is_ a fucking duck." She realized that she didn't make much sense in the end, but Catherine couldn't bring herself to care about that right now.  
  
"What the hell, Catherine?! Why would you even think that?!" Kaidan was at a loss of words. What had gotten into her? This was completely insane, he could never … No. The thought in itself was simply ridiculous. But somehow, Catherine had gotten to the conclusion that he was betraying her and she didn't listen to a word he said. How could he make her listen to him? See reason? Was it even possible at the moment? The anger came off her in waves, her blue eyes turned to an icy glare but somehow sparkling dangerously at the same time, almost taunting him to give her another reason to attack him.  
  
"Right, because it's totally unheard of that men have left their wives before for younger women to escape the responsibilities of having a family." It was a low blow and she knew it, but that didn't stop her from delivering it. Her verbal filter had stopped working several minutes ago.  
  
Neither of them noticed the movement in the doorway.  
  
"Mommy?"  
  
Catherine's eyes widened when she whirled around and saw Jeremy standing there in his pajamas and a plush pyjak clutched tightly in one hand while his big brown eyes – Kaidan's eyes – jumped back and forth between her and Kaidan, shining with fear. How much had he heard? Catherine felt like someone had emptied a bucket filled with ice over her head. She rushed over to Jeremy, taking him in her arms and pulling him into a tight embrace, a tiny part of her desperately hoping that the contact would make him forget anything he might have overheard.  
  
"Jer … what … what are you doing up, sweetie? You should be asleep", she said, forcing herself to sound calm and only partly succeeding.  
  
"Why are you and Daddy fighting? I don't want you to fight", the little boy whispered into his mother's hair. She fought the urge to punch herself when she felt something wet in the crook of her neck. Catherine tightened her hold of his small body, shaking while he cried, trying to sooth her son while she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. She had made her son cry. Could someone just shoot her? Seeing him like this and knowing that she caused it hurt worse than anything else possibly ever could.  
  
Kaidan stood in the middle of the room, unable to move. Jesus Christ. He had never wanted his son to witness something like this. He watched as Catherine wrapped her arms around their son, but he couldn't bring himself to say or do anything. Jeremy being in the room had shocked him to the core. He felt sick. They couldn't allow whatever was going on between him and Catherine – and Kaidan was still trying to figure out what exactly that was, anyway – to affect Jeremy. They just couldn't. There was no way in hell that he would put his son in the middle of a war zone. The thought stung. He never wanted to apply that term to his marriage, but apparently, that had been too much to ask. He needed time to figure this out.  
  
Catherine rubbed soothing circles on her son's back. Damn it. What was she supposed to tell him? She quickly decided to avoid Jeremy's question altogether. "Come on, I'll take you back to bed", she silently told him before picking up the small boy. She didn't look back at Kaidan when she carried her son upstairs to his room. Jeremy was getting bigger and she was sure that rather sooner than later, she wouldn't be able to carry him around like this anymore.  
  
"Mommy, I don't want you and Daddy to fight", Jeremy repeated his earlier words.  
  
"I'm sorry, sweetheart", Catherine whispered when she sat him down on his bed. The boy got back under the covers and she tucked him in, kissing his forehead. She never wanted him to witness something like that. Hell, this was the first big fight her and Kaidan had since they had gotten married. No. This were the first really hurtful words spoken between them since Mars. Sure, there had been small arguments, but nothing that came even close to this.  
  
"Is Daddy going to leave us?" Jeremy asked softly, his eyes still wide with fear and glistening with tears.  
  
The words had Catherine's blood frozen in her veins in a second and she felt sick. "What? How … why ..." She was completely thrown off-track by the question and had turned into a stuttering mess. Where the hell had that come from? Her son was way too young to ask something like that. Shouldn't have to ask something like that in the first place. However, it was too late to remedy that now.  
  
"One of the boys in the playground told me that his parents fought a lot and then his Daddy left him and his Mommy. I don't want Daddy to leave us", Jeremy explained, hugging the stuffed animal close to his chest.  
  
Catherine closed her eyes for a second, pinching the bridge of her nose while she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. She needed to tell him that there everything would be fine and he had nothing to fear, even if she had no idea if she was actually telling him the truth. "Everything's going to be okay, Jeremy. I promise", she said, desperately wishing that she would have been able to believe it herself.  
  
Many reassuring words and two bedtime stories later, Jeremy had fallen asleep again and Catherine left his room on tiptoes, afraid to make a noise and wake him up again. When she walked past her and Kaidan's bedroom, she saw movement in the corner of her eye and entered to find Kaidan putting some clothes in a bag.  
  
"What are you doing?" Catherine asked, hating how weak her voice sounded when the picture fit her son's earlier question so well.  
  
"I'm going to stay with my parents. I think we both need a little space right now to calm down and figure things out." It hadn't been an easy decision for him. Once Catherine had left the living room with Jeremy, Kaidan had all but collapsed on the couch, replaying the conversation that had turned into a shouting match in his head several times. He didn't know what to do or what to say to make things right. And it wasn't fair. He had done nothing that justified her accusations. He just wished she could see it. Wished she could trust him.  
  
"So that's it? You just leave and expect me to believe that you're going to stay with your parents?" The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself.  
  
He sighed. Apparently, they were up for round two, even if they both tried to keep their voices low. He had been just as shocked when he saw his son standing there, his eyes darting back and forth. "Not this again, Catherine."  
  
"Why not? Why _the hell_ not? This looks kinda bad, you know" She hissed, pointing at the bag that from the looks of it held clothes that would last him at least a week. The realization hurt, but Catherine shoved the feeling aside, burying it underneath the anger that had started to rush through her system again.  
  
"You're not thinking straight. I don't know what brought this on, but … I'm not going to stay here and let you accuse me of things I'd never do. I love you, more than I could ever say, but apparently that's not enough because for whatever reason, you don't trust me anymore. I … I need time to wrap my head around what happened tonight. I'll be back in a few days." Thinking about it had been hard enough, but actually saying the words out loud hurt on an entirely different scale. It didn't help that Catherine looked at him like she'd just been slapped and took a step back. However, the look on her face quickly vanished and she put on the mask of Commander Shepard that he had seen so many times. The mask that hid her real feelings. He hated the fact that she put it on here, in their home, the one place she wasn't supposed to need it.  
  
"What do you expect me to tell Jeremy tomorrow morning when he discovers that you're gone? Wanna know what he just told me? One of the kids he's been playing with told him that his father left. Jeremy's afraid that you're gonna do the same. And to think that I just promised him ..." She had started out business-like, but her voice slowly betrayed her and she stopped talking altogether, a humorless laugh cutting through the otherwise silent room like a knife.  
  
"Promised him what, Catherine?" He asked, trying to look into her eyes.  
  
Catherine turned her head slightly, avoiding his gaze. She couldn't look at him right now. Her mask would slip if she did and she wouldn't allow that. "That everything was going to be okay. Guess I lied."  
  
Kaidan felt like he had been punched in the gut when he heard the statement. She really seemed to have lost her faith in them. "Catherine ..." he tried, but she shook her head, cutting him off.  
  
"No. Go. If you think that's what you need to do, then go." She left their bedroom and went back to the living room without looking back. She stood in front of the large windows, staring out into the night sky, biting her bottom lip as she fought the tears she felt coming to her eyes. No. She was not going to cry. She was Commander-fucking-Shepard. She didn't cry. She held her head high even if she felt like breaking down. Her dignity wouldn't allow her to be weak. A few minutes later, she heard cautious steps behind her.  
  
"Catherine ..." he tried again, but again, she shook her head, not turning around. She couldn't look at him right now or she knew that she was going to lose the battle against her own emotions.  
  
"Go." The word almost sounded like an order. "We'll be fine. I … I'll think of something to tell Jeremy." She tried hard to sound like the thought didn't faze her, but she could hear the slight tremble in her voice. Catherine took a deep breath that was meant to steady her but in reality did nothing to calm her. She heard Kaidan approach her slowly and slightly winced when she felt his hands on her upper arms. "Don't touch me", she said. God. She never thought that she would ever say those words to him.  
  
Kaidan ignored her request, even if the words hurt. When she had left their bedroom without putting up a fight to make him stay, he knew that if he really left, he'd prove her right and lose her. "I'm not going. I'm not running away from this. I don't know why you'd think that … that I could do that to you, but I'm gonna set this right." He knew that there was a good chance that she'd punch him, but he decided to take the risk and leaned in to press a soft kiss to her cheek. Kaidan felt Catherine go rigid at the caress, felt her whole body tense. This wasn't right. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. There had to be a way to mend this rift he hadn't even realized existed until tonight.  
  
"How could I _not_ think it? From the day she was assigned to the project, you talked about nothing else anymore. It was always just her. How much of a prodigy she is as a scientist, how funny and witty she is, how great you get along with her, how much you enjoy working with her … God, Kaidan, you spend more time with her than with Jeremy and me. We're your family. I feel like she's taking you away from me and you're not even trying to hold onto what we are … were …" she stopped herself, her voice nothing but a broken whisper in the end.  
  
Kaidan let go of her arms, shocked at her statement. She had said something similar earlier, but he had been blinded by his own anger and not really listened. However, he listened now. She thought he had let go of everything they were. Didn't she realize that he would do anything for her? That she was it for him, that nobody could ever take her place? And he couldn't have been so blind, could he? That he didn't notice how he had hurt his wife over the course of months until it all finally blew up in his face tonight? Apparently, he had been. Yes, he liked Megan, but not in the way Catherine thought. Being an only child, Kaidan valued the almost sibling-like relationship he had developed with the 24-year-old behavior analyst. The easy bickering between them while it had been almost scarily simple to trust her. However, he apparently hadn't really conveyed the nature of their relationship to Catherine. He wouldn't be in this mess right now otherwise.  
  
Catherine took the absence of his touch and the lack of a reply as a sign that she was right after all and she felt her heart break. She had been fooling herself. There was no happy ending for Commander Shepard. Of course there wasn't. She was a soldier and not the princess in a goddamn fairy tale. She took a few steps to get away from Kaidan, crossing the room to escape his presence, feeling like she was going to suffocate if she stayed close to him for just one more second.  
  
Her movement brought Kaidan back to the present. He looked alarmed at the empty space where Catherine stood before him just seconds ago and turned around to find her on the other side of the room, bringing as much distance between them as the room allowed. She looked down, but he could still see that her blue eyes sparkled with the tears he knew she was desperately fighting. She hated to show weakness, that hadn't changed over the last couple of years and most likely never would.  
  
Kaidan crossed the room with a few quick steps and felt a stab in his heart when she flinched away from him. He ignored it and took another step towards her, wrapping his arms around her to pull her close. She fought him, punching against his chest and shoulders, but he didn't let go. If anything, he only tightened his embrace until she finally stopped. He was probably going to have a few bruises because she hadn't exactly been gentle in her attempt to free herself, but he didn't care.  
  
"Let me go", she demanded, inwardly cursing at how weak she sounded.  
  
"Never", he whispered in her ear before pressing a soft kiss to her shoulder. Again, she grew stiff in his arms and Kaidan hated it. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I love you. More than anything. I didn't realize what talking about Megan did to you. Yes, I like her. A lot." He kept his arms locked tightly around her when he felt her fighting against his embrace again. "But, Cathy, there's something you need to realize and you have no idea how sorry I am that I never said this before. Megan … she's become a good friend over the last couple of months. She's almost like the little sister I never had. But she could never replace you. _No_ woman could ever take your place. You're _it_ for me. _You_ are the _only one_ I could ever love like this. Please, you need to believe me." He didn't care that he was almost begging her in the end. All he wanted was for this nightmare – which was the only way to describe what had happened tonight – to end.  
  
They stood like that for what felt like an eternity before Catherine finally, although hesitantly, looked up at him, her gaze still full of caution and her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Like a little sister?" She asked silently, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop.  
  
"Like a little sister", Kaidan confirmed. He held her gaze, trying to convey to her without words that what he told her was the truth. That he could never betray her. That other women just held no interest for him whatsoever.  
  
A few more moments of silence passed, both of them staring into each others eyes. Kaidan's gaze reassuring, Catherine's searching. Finally, she closed her eyes, the movement causing the tears she had held back to roll down her cheeks. Kaidan lifted his hand to wipe them away, internally beating himself up to have caused them. When had he become ignorant to what happened around him and more importantly to his wife? He was supposed to take care of her. Instead, he had made her feel miserable.  
  
"I'm sorry", she softly whispered, though Kaidan had no problem making out the words in the otherwise silent room. A moment later, she wrapped her arms around him, returning the embrace at last, her head resting against his chest. "It's … it's just … the thought of losing you … I hate it. It's driving me insane", she tried to explain. She thought back to that incident on Mars after the Reapers had invaded Earth – and while the threatening force back then had been injury and not another woman, she had felt the same helpless panic during the last few months that she had felt back then, sitting in the med bay of the Normandy while they were on their way to the Citadel, not knowing if they would make it in time.  
  
"You won't. I'm not leaving. I love you. Remember? Until my last breath", he answered, reminding her of the words they had said almost four years ago while resting his head on top of hers. He inhaled deeply, her closeness filling his senses while his heart was flooded with relief. She seemed to believe him. She wouldn't have wrapped her arms around him if she didn't. He only hoped that this calm between them would last. He hated fighting with her.  
  
Catherine nodded slightly. "I remember." She believed him, even if there was still a low voice in the back of her head whispering to be careful. Kaidan had never lied to her before, she had to trust him not to start now. What sounded like an easy enough task in her head was going to take more effort for her heart, though.


	6. Black & Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I looked up into the night sky and see a thousand eyes staring back_  
>  And all around these golden beacons I see nothing but black  
> I feel a way of something beyond them, I don't see what I can feel  
> If vision is the only validation, then most of my life isn't real  
> 'Cause if you're not really here, then the stars don't even matter  
> Now I'm filled to the top with fear, but it's all just a bunch of matter  
> 'Cause if you're not really here, then I don't want to be either, I want be next to you  
> Black and gold, black and gold, black and gold 
> 
> _\- Ellie Goulding, "Black & Gold" (Sam Sparro Cover)_

**20th May 2191**  
  
Kaidan didn't remember the last time he had felt so frustrated. The fight with Catherine had been a month ago and even though she kept saying that everything was okay, he knew that it wasn't. Hell, he would have to be blind not to notice. They walked around eggshells, almost scared to talk to each other in order not to break the calm that had settled between them in the wake of their fight. They both acted as if nothing was wrong when Jeremy was around, but Kaidan had noticed the smile slipping off his wife's face and her shoulders sagging ever so slightly the second their son left the room. When he kissed her, it felt tense, even forced, and it was never more than a short peck before she pulled away, avoiding his gaze. And while they still shared the same bed, there was now a solid gap between them whereas before, the had fallen asleep and woken up as a mess of tangled limbs.  
  
He had to do something. He wanted her back, dammit. Wanted things to be the way they used to be. He needed her to be happy again, the smile on her face to be real. Needed the spark to return to her blue eyes.  
  
When Catherine told him that she had to head into Alliance headquarters for the day for several meetings, Kaidan had taken the day off to stay at home with Jeremy, a plan forming in his head. After he was sure that she was gone, Kaidan had grabbed their son and left the house as well, spending the entire morning and a good part of the afternoon to get the things he hoped would help him to get his wife back and set his plans in motion.  
  
His last stop was his parents' place. He had asked them to watch Jeremy for the night, only explaining that things between Catherine and him were somewhat tense right now and that he wanted to fix it. His mother had agreed to watch her grandson. Of course she had. She adored Jeremy and loved Catherine like a real daughter and had looked alarmed when she heard that something was wrong, even if Kaidan didn't go into detail. He had the distinct feeling that his mother wouldn't be too understanding about how it had even come to this. In fact, Kaidan was pretty sure that he'd earn a slap to the back of his head for making his wife question his loyalty towards her.  
  
After dropping off Jeremy, Kaidan rushed home and got to work. He put candles in various places around the combined living and dining room, enough to light up the room so there would be no need to turn on the light. The red roses he bought were put in a vase on one side of the dining table where they were in the line of sight but wouldn't be in the way. He then went to their bedroom and placed the box that contained the dress he had bought for her on her side of the bed. It was blue, a few shades darker than her eyes, which would make them stand out even more.  
  
Kaidan had begun to slightly doubt his plans when he had bought it, wondering whether it was too much and if he was trying too hard, but he had quickly shrugged the thought of. If Catherine needed proof, she would get it. Of course she had never asked for it, but he could still sense her doubt. This wouldn't be necessary otherwise. He was about to leave their bedroom again when a thought hit him as he passed their closet. He went into the office they had set up in a spare room, and quickly wrote a note which he then put on top of the one pair of heels his wife owned.  
  
After setting the table, he began to cook, frequently glancing at the clock that sat on the wall to his left. Lasagna. It was the same meal he had prepared when he proposed to her. Would she remember? Kaidan was positive. Of course she would. But the bigger question was: would she call him out on it? The entire set-up was the same. The flowers, the candles – even the music he had chosen was the same as the night he had proposed, with one addition. A reference to a time when there was no doubt between them. When all they had been was happy, not hurt or cautious.  
  
Once he was finished, he changed into black trousers and a white shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the two top buttons left open for comfort. He came back downstairs to the sound of the front door closing. Kaidan all but ran to meet her at the door. He wanted to steer her directly upstairs, she wasn't supposed to see what he had done just yet.  
  
Catherine raised an eyebrow when she saw him rushing towards her and took in his outfit. Not exactly what she had been expecting when she had left this morning. She certainly didn't look like this when she spent a day at home with their son. "Hey", she greeted, the confusion evident in her voice. Where was Jeremy, anyway? He usually ran to the door like a bat out of hell when one of his parents got home.  
  
"Hey", Kaidan replied and took her jacket from her, putting it on the coat rack while an amused smile showed on his lips when he saw her brow furrow in concentration. She was probably raking her mind if she had forgotten an important date. "Look, I'm going to explain everything to you in a minute, okay? But first, I need you to go upstairs. There's … a surprise for you in our bedroom", he said.  
  
"Could you be anymore cryptic? What's upstairs?" Catherine asked, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. _'Well, it's a start'_ , he thought.  
  
"I can try if you want me to. And you'll just have to go up there and take a look", he replied.  
  
Catherine rolled her eyes and moved to walk past him. Kaidan caught up quickly, moving in front of her to block her view through the doorway of the living room, silently cursing himself because he hadn't closed the damn door. She shook her head slightly at his odd behavior, but didn't comment any further. He said that he was going to explain everything once she came back downstairs, right?  
  
"Fine, I'm going. I'll be right back", she told him and went to their bedroom. Catherine quickly spotted the white box on her side of the bed, a single red rose sitting on top of it. She swallowed hard. What was going on? She gingerly put the rose aside and opened the box, revealing a blue dress that made her gasp when she held it in her hands. It was beautiful, the soft material slightly shimmering in the light. But the big question was: Why? Why did Kaidan buy her a dress? And what was going on downstairs that he acted like her bodyguard in an obvious attempt to keep her from taking a look inside the living room?  
  
Catherine sighed. Only one way to find out. She put on the dress, happy about the fact that it actually fit her like a glove, hugging her figure in all the right places and ending above her knees. She walked over to the closet after realizing that heels would probably go best with the dress, her mood slightly deteriorating at the thought. However, a note caught her eye.  
  
 _I know how much you hate wearing heels, so don't. If you want to wear shoes, you'll be more comfortable in these_  
  
An arrow pointed at a pair of navy blue ballet flats that had been in her possession for more than three years. They were old and had definitely seen better days, but she couldn't bring herself to throw them away because they were one of the most comfortable pair of shoes she owned. Looking at the note again, Catherine couldn't help but chuckle. If she wanted to wear shoes? She tried to recall if Kaidan had actually worn shoes, but she couldn't remember. "Damn it", she cursed. Only one way to find out, then.  
  
She walked to the staircase connecting the floors and called down. "Kaidan? Are you wearing shoes?" She felt stupid when she said it and the feeling didn't grow any weaker when she heard him laugh.  
  
"No, I'm not", he finally answered.  
  
That was settled, then. No shoes for her, either. She quickly brushed her hair, pulling a few strands back from her face with a clip and then grabbing the rose before she headed back downstairs. Kaidan really had some explaining to do. For example where Jeremy was, although she assumed that since he obviously wasn't here – he would have come running to greet her by now if he were present – he was most likely with his grandparents. Still, she needed to know.  
  
Kaidan was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs and she heard a sharp intake of breath when he saw her. He wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked, but all he came up with was "Wow."  
  
Catherine bit her bottom lip before answering. "Don't look so surprised. You bought the dress, you knew what it looked like", she answered, avoiding his gaze when she felt warmth crawl onto her cheeks. _'Oh great, you're blushing. Really mature, Shepard'_ , she thought.  
  
"Yeah … of course, but … damn, you look even more stunning in it than I had imagined", he said, finally able to voice his thoughts.  
  
"Thanks … and thank you for the dress. It's beautiful", Catherine murmured, her gaze now fixed on the rose in her hands. "What I meant to ask before you all but ordered me to go upstairs … where's Jeremy?" Despite her words, her tone was light, giving Kaidan a little bit of hope that the evening could actually have the effect he desired.  
  
"My parents are watching him tonight", he explained, trying to read her expression. Well, she didn't look horrified at the thought to spend the evening alone with him, he supposed that was a first step.  
  
She slightly nodded. Just like she had suspected. "Okay, now that that's settled … what's going on, Kaidan? You said that you would explain once I got back downstairs. I'm here, so … start talking", she said, looking at him expectantly.  
  
"How about I show you instead?" Kaidan answered and led her into the large room. While she had been upstairs, Kaidan had lit the candles that now bathed the room in soft orange light.  
  
Catherine's eyes went wide as she took in the scene in front of her. The warm light of what seemed to be a million candles, the red roses in a vase on the dining table, soft music playing in the background. "Kaidan … what …" she stuttered. She didn't know what to say. Why was he doing this? Today wasn't any special date when it came to their relationship, her birthday had been more than a month ago … the question remained.  
  
Kaidan stepped in front of her and almost tentatively put an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. His other hand went to her cheek, brushing over the soft skin briefly before moving to her chin, gently forcing her to look him in the eye.  
  
Her breath hitched at their sudden closeness, something that had been missing for the last few weeks. Ever since … no. She couldn't think about it now.  
  
"We need this. I … I want to make it up to you. I've been neglecting you, taking you for granted and I shouldn't have done that. I can't stand the thought that I hurt you. Please, let me do this for you. For us", he said, slowly leaning in as he spoke. His lips brushed hers during the last few words before he kissed her, almost sighing with relief when he felt her respond, truly respond to the soft caress. It felt like it was supposed to: natural. There was nothing forced or tense about it. He deepened the kiss, the wish to make the most of this moment almost painful.  
  
Catherine hadn't noticed that her grip on the rose in her hand had tightened. Hell, she hadn't noticed anything except the way her body was pressed against Kaidan's and how good that kiss felt. She had held back after their fight, that low voice nagging in the back of her head to be careful. God, she had been stupid. There was little in the galaxy that felt better than being kissed like this by her husband. Her free hand moved to the back of his neck almost on its own free will to pull him closer.  
  
However, she did notice when one of the thorns of the rose pricked her skin. The sting made her frown and she broke the kiss, greedily sucking in air while Kaidan's forehead rested against her own. "Ouch", she mumbled as she pulled out of his embrace, lifting her hand to check for damage. Sure enough, she could see a small drop of blood forming on the tip of her index finger.  
  
Kaidan looked at the crimson substance and raised an eyebrow. "You know, that rose was meant for you to look at, not to hurt yourself with it", he chided as he took the flower from her and put it in the vase with the rest of them. He chuckled slightly at the 'you don't say' look she sent his way. "Come on", he said and grabbed her other hand, leading her to the kitchen. "Wash the blood off, I'll get the medigel."  
  
"Kaidan, don't be ridiculous. It's just a scratch", she answered. She had survived the firing Crucible a couple of years ago and he was fretting over a drop of blood?  
  
"So?" he simply asked as he grabbed the small tube of medigel they kept in the cabinet under the sink for emergencies.  
  
"So this -" she pointed at the tube as he unscrewed the cap, "is completely unnecessary. It'll stop bleeding in a minute, anyway."  
  
"I don't care", he stated as he applied the gel. The tiny cut closed almost instantly.  
  
"I swear, if I hear you deny the fact that you're stubborn _ever_ again …" she started, but stopped mid-sentence.  
  
Kaidan put the gel away and stepped close to her again, effectively trapping her against the cupboard next to the sink. "Then what?" he asked, his voice sending a shiver down her spine.  
  
"You'll see", Catherine whispered, her gaze fixed on his whiskey-colored eyes. A moment later, her content sigh was muffled by another kiss. The loud beeping of the kitchen timer made them jump apart.  
  
Kaidan mentally cursed. He was making progress here, real, honest-to-God progress – and then that stupid thing had to go off. Why had he set the clock in the first place? Right, dinner. But still … Catherine wouldn't have let him get this close a few days ago, he was sure of that. She would have made up an excuse to put some physical distance between them. He was getting somewhere, his efforts really seemed to pay off. And to have that taken away by a kitchen timer … in a certain way, it was pretty comical, even if he didn't feel like laughing at the moment.  
  
Catherine bit her bottom lip. On one hand, she cursed the timer that had interrupted Kaidan an her, but on the other hand, she was almost grateful. She needed time to sort out her thoughts and she couldn't do that when she was this close to him. As much as she had missed it, this was moving too fast. From little to no contact over several weeks to almost making out in the living room and then the kitchen … no. She definitely needed a moment to wrap her mind around that.  
  
He could have sworn that he heard the wheels in her head turning. From the look on her face, Catherine was trying to analyze the situation. He bit back a sigh, waiting for the walls she had built around herself to reappear.  
  
She took a deep breath. The beeping had yet to stop, but Kaidan made no move to stop the timer. "So … what's for dinner?" she asked almost hesitantly, trying to give him a hint.  
  
Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck, slightly embarrassed that Catherine had to bring up the obvious thing for him to act. He took a step towards the oven, giving her room and effectively blocking her view at the same time while he turned the obnoxious beeping off. "You'll see in a minute. Why don't you sit down? I'll be right there."  
  
"Okay." Catherine nodded and stepped out of the kitchen, dreading the feeling of relief that coursed through her once there was a safe distance between her and Kaidan.  
  
She wasn't supposed to feel this way. Her mind knew that, but her heart … that was an entirely different story. She sat down at the dining table and closed her eyes for a second, taking another deep breath. This was just dinner. When she opened her eyes again, she looked at the bouquet of roses to her left, bathed in warm light. Kaidan had put some work into this evening, she wasn't about to question that. The candles, the roses, her dress, dinner – Catherine felt bad to have put him in a position where he thought it necessary to do all that. But the memories of their fight, of him packing a bag to leave, even if only for a few days, still haunted her. She closed her eyes again. No. She wouldn't think about that now. She had to lock those images away, couldn't let them ruin what was right in front of her. Unconsciously, she began playing with her wedding ring, turning it on her finger as she fought to keep the memories at bay.  
  
That's how Kaidan found her when he entered the room with two plates of food. Eyes closed, turning the ring he had put on her finger absent-mindedly. He cleared his throat and her eyes snapped open. He saw a slight blush creep on her cheeks at the thought of being caught like that. Or was it just a trick of light? He sat a plate down in front of her and saw her eyes widen slightly in realization.  
  
"Kaidan ..." she whispered, but whatever was supposed to follow was swallowed by the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. The pieces started to click together. The roses, the candles, the music, the food – it was all like the evening when he had proposed. The realization hit her like a freight train and effectively knocked the breath out of her. Catherine pressed her lips together in a thin line in an attempt to stay calm but she failed, her eyes cast down on her hands where she still played with her wedding band nervously.  
  
He set down the second plate before crouching down next to her, trying to catch her gaze. When she refused to look anywhere but her fidgeting hands, he covered them with his own, holding them still. The motion got her attention and she looked at him, her eyes wide, the walls he had dreaded earlier crumbled. This was it, his opportunity. He couldn't mess this up.


	7. All That You Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel wrong, I'm so human and flawed  
> I'll break down even though I'm still strong  
> And time will make fools of us all, build us up and then laughs when we fall  
> You pull me through when I'm alone in the dark and the fear is my truth  
> Yeah all the things that you are  
> Beautifully broken, alive in my heart  
> And know that you are everything  
> Let your heart sing and tonight we'll light up the stars
> 
> \- Goo Goo Dolls, "All That You Are"  
> 

**20th May 2191**

"Cathy … the last couple of weeks have been torture", Kaidan started, pausing to swallow the lump in his throat before he continued. He needed to choose his words carefully. Easier said than done when his thoughts were running rampant. "You say that you believe me and that everything's okay, but it's not and we both know that. You built those walls around you, shutting me out and … I hate it. God, I hate it so much. I hate it that we have to _act_ like nothing's wrong in front of our son. I hate that you don't mean it when you smile, that you only do it to keep up appearances. I hate the fact that I hurt you just because I was stupid and ignorant and took the most precious thing I have for granted. I ... I miss you Cathy, even if you're right in front of me. Because there's this ... invisible barrier that's keeping us apart. I love you … and, dammit, I want you back. Tell me what I have to do to get you back. Whatever it is, I'll do it. Please, just tell me what you want me to do."

He realized that his voice had taken on a desperate tone at the end, but he didn't care. Once he had started talking, the words just kept coming, pouring out his thoughts. He hadn't planned this, hadn't planned for all of this to come out at once but it had and he had to deal with it. He watched Catherine intently, trying to gauge her reaction even if her face gave nothing away while he spoke.

Kaidan's words pulverized every single wall she had built to protect herself. Catherine didn't know what to say. She had withdrawn, yes, but she hadn't realized that she had hurt him in the process. _We do that a lot to each other recently_ , she noted, the thought stinging a lot worse than that thorn had earlier. She had been so preoccupied with her own feelings that she didn't pay attention to Kaidan. Hadn't even considered that her actions could affect him like that. After the dust had settled, she had been just as ignorant.

However, now she knew the real reason behind all this. This evening. What he had said earlier sounded more like an apology for what happened, but this was something else, she realized that now. Kaidan was putting up a fight. He was fighting for _them_. Trying to fix what had been broken. He was doing the very thing she had told him was lacking: he was trying to hold onto everything they were.

God … how could she accuse the man in front of her of cheating? The man crouching in front of her, almost on his knees, begging her to tell him how he could fix things, set them right again. The thought of him betraying her seemed so ridiculous right now that she didn't know whether she wanted to laugh or scream in frustration. She freed her left hand from his grip and lifted it to his head, her fingertips brushing his cheek. Catherine had made up her mind. She needed to let go of her doubt and trust him again.

Every second that passed without her saying something heightened Kaidan's anxiety. Had it been too much? Had he pushed her too far with his words? Pressured her into something she could not give him yet? Had he done even more damage? The thought was enough to physically bring him to his knees in front of her. He kneeled in front of her, his head bowed in defeat.

"I'm sorry", Catherine suddenly whispered and Kaidan's head snapped up, his eyes eager to find hers. What was she apologizing for?

"I … God, Kaidan, I miss you, too", she added. Her fingertips trailed from his cheek to his lips and her breath hitched when he pressed a soft kiss to them. "You don't have to do anything. This … what you did tonight … this is enough. God, it's more than enough", she answered. If she had needed proof somewhere in the back of her head, then recreating the evening when he had asked her to marry him was more than enough. She slid off the chair and to her knees in front of him, bringing herself to eye level and leaned forward, touching her forehead to his. "I hurt you as well. I'm ... I've been just as stupid. I was so far gone in my doubt that I didn't even consider how you felt. I'm so sorry ... I love you, too", she said before pressing her lips to his in a soft kiss.

Kaidan was taken aback by her words. It … it couldn't be that easy, right? He was expecting her to struggle, to put up a fight. He was prepared to fight for her, had several more things planned for tonight to make her his again, to convince her to trust him again, that he hadn't let go of them. He certainly hadn't expected this. When her lips touched his, every doubt he had held onto in order to keep his hopes in check left his mind.

This was the first kiss she initiated after their fight. It had always been him who had looked for the intimate contact for the last couple of weeks. Now she started it. His grip on her right hand loosened before he let go completely and wrapped his arms around Catherine, pulling her close. He crushed his lips to hers with almost bruising force, trying to get closer, when he felt the hand that had caressed his cheek move to his hair, tugging him in.

While the kiss had started out gentle, there was nothing soft about it now. It was desperate and demanding, the feelings they had held at bay finally breaking through the surface full force. Kaidan's hands roamed over her back, trying to touch her everywhere at once, the need to feel her almost painful. Catherine's hand was tangled in his hair, holding him in place, while the other one had slipped between them and she tried to undo the first button of his shirt, which quickly turned out to be frustratingly difficult. The thought crossed his mind that apparently, it wasn't just him who was desperate to get closer.

They only pulled away when air became a necessity, both of them panting, trying to catch their breath. Kaidan brushed his lips over her mouth in brief, soft kisses again and again until he felt a smile appear on her lips. He couldn't help but return the smile when he noticed that her lips were slightly swollen from the kiss they'd shared.

"Wow", Catherine simply said, the word little more than a breath. She started playing with the short hair on the back of his neck.

"Yeah", Kaidan replied with a hoarse chuckle, followed by another kiss. Now that he had her back, he just couldn't get enough. Couldn't be close enough to her.

She was about to say something when the combined rumbling of both their stomachs interrupted her. Catherine raised her eyebrows slightly in surprise before she leaned her head against his shoulder, laughing. "Seems like this has to wait", she stated, her shoulders still shaking in silent laughter.

Kaidan couldn't stop himself from laughing, either. He rested his head on top of hers, taking in the scent of her shampoo mixed with her perfume. "I guess you're right", he agreed, but made no attempt to loosen his grip on her.

Catherine reached to her back and grabbed his hands. "Let's get your biotic stomach filled. I don't want it growling at me like an angry dog", she said.

"Hey, your stomach wasn't exactly purring like a little kitten, either, you know?" he defended himself, trying to pinch her side. However, she had anticipated the attack and moved away.

"Nice try. But … better luck next time", she joked, still smiling.

Kaidan's heart jumped when he saw that the spark had returned to her blue eyes. Another brief kiss followed, he just couldn't help himself. After pulling her to her feet, he let go of her, immediately missing the feeling of her in his arms. But he knew that they still had to talk, a lot of things were still left unsaid.

The talk came sooner than he anticipated. While they had started eating in comfortable silence, Catherine suddenly started talking. She told him everything. How she felt, her doubts, why she had reacted so strongly. Kaidan realized that he indeed had been taking her for granted. That he had spent even less time at home than he realized and just expected her to be there and things to just keep going the way they were. By the time they had finished eating, nothing was left unsaid. They had talked, really talked, and cleared the air, a heavy weight lifted from their shoulders.

Kaidan quickly took care of the empty plates before leading Catherine to the couch. He sat down and pulled her into his lap when she went to sit down next to him, eliciting a surprised gasp, followed by a chuckle.

"What are you doing?" she asked, but shifted slightly to get more comfortable nonetheless. She leaned into him, soaking in the warmth that radiated off him.

"Just keeping you close. I'm not letting go of you again", he replied, smiling as he heard her content sigh when he started to pepper her neck with small kisses.

Catherine closed her eyes, enjoying the way Kaidan's lips felt on her skin. She opened her eyes again when he suddenly pulled away. "Hey, don't stop!" she complained with a mock-serious expression on her face.

Kaidan laughed and pressed a short kiss to her lips. "I'll pick up where I left off in a minute", he assured her before reaching over to the coffee table, picking up a small box Catherine hadn't noticed sitting there. She frowned when Kaidan placed the box in her hand. "I wanted to give this to you on our wedding anniversary, but I think this occasion is just as good", he explained.

"Wait, you didn't know how this evening would go. Would you have tried to butter me up with jewelry?" she asked, eying the little container suspiciously. He must have known that that wouldn't have worked, right?

Kaidan shook his head. "No, not trying to butter you up", he said, sighing. "Why don't you open it so I can explain?" He didn't like where this was going at all.

Now Catherine was the one to shake her head. "No." The way she said it left no room to argue. "You wanted to give this to me on our wedding anniversary?" she asked. When he nodded, she continued. "Then that's what I want you to do. Give this to me in two months." She handed the box back to him.

"Cath-" he started, but her kiss effectively shut him up. _'Well, at least she's not angry'_ , he thought. When she pulled away, he searched her expression. "Are you really sure? You're not curious what's in there?" he asked.

She huffed slightly. "You _know_ that I'm curious. But … I don't want our mixed stupidity to change things more than it already has. So you keep whatever is in there for now. Curiosity killed the cat, and since that's what my dad used to call me when I was about Jeremy's age, I'm not gonna take any chances", she explained, a small smile playing on her lips when she finished.

Kaidan chuckled at her explanation. "Fine, I'll keep it for now", he said and put the box back on the table. He kissed Catherine briefly before lifting her off his lap and next to him.

"Okay, now I'm confused. I wanted to sit down in this very spot five minutes ago and you wouldn't let me. Now you put me here yourself because …?" she trailed off, looking at him expectantly.

"Because I just remembered dessert", he answered. When he saw the smirk on her lips, he had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. " _Not_ what you think, but actual dessert", Kaidan added.

"Pff. See if I ever let you in my bed again, you're no fun", she taunted him.

He raised an eyebrow. "No fun?" he asked.

"No fun at all", she confirmed, still smirking.

Kaidan had taken the bait. With one quick motion, he pushed Catherine down on the couch and hovered over her, his lips nearly brushing hers when he spoke. "Let's see if you still think that when I'm done with you later", he said, the tone of his voice sending a shiver of anticipation down her spine.

Catherine looked up at him. His little attack had actually taken her by surprise. Usually, Kaidan was not prone to that kind of maneuver but much more gentle, coaxing her with kisses and soft touches. However, she approved of this apparent change of heart. "Is that a promise or are you all talk?"

He leaned down to kiss her and she softly sighed in approval. When he pulled away, the smirk on her face was replaced by a content smile. "Have you ever known me to be all talk? It's a promise. God, as if I'd be able to _not_ see this through after not touching you for weeks", he said. "But more on that later."

As quickly as his attack came, he was gone again, vanished to the kitchen to grab dessert. Catherine sat up, chuckling. Nothing got between a biotic and his food. When he came back with two bowls of strawberries and what she knew was vanilla ice cream, she raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said more on that later. But this … come on, seriously? You're expecting me to sit still, eat strawberries and ice cream when I can perfectly remember just _how badly_ things got out of hand the last time we had that for dessert? I believe about nine months later, Jeremy was born", she reminded him. Then it hit her. The next thing Kaidan had up his sleeve. He was good, really good, she had to give him that.

The realization must have shown on her face, because she heard Kaidan chuckle. He sat down again, handing her one of the bowls and a spoon. "We can always save something for later", he said. His voice had taken on a suggestive tone that made Catherine gulp.

"Somehow, I think we won't need that tonight", she replied.

He kissed her cheek, still chuckling. "You're probably right. Living celibate for weeks with you laying right next to me was enough to bring me to my knees, no need to give you even more ammunition to drive me crazy."

They ate mostly in comfortable silence, only interrupted by more teasing and innuendos they didn't follow up on. When they were finished, Kaidan suddenly stood up and held his hand out for her to take. "Dance with me."

Catherine raised an eyebrow. "You realize that the last time I danced was at our wedding, right?"

"So? It's high time I get you to do it again", he said, still in the same position.

"You're not going to let this go, are you?" she asked, sighing when she saw him shake his head. Stubborn. "Fine", she grumbled and took his hand. When she pushed herself off the couch, Kaidan slightly pulled, the combined force carrying her into his arms so fast that they slightly stumbled, both of them having a feeling of déjà vu of a similar moment eight years ago on board the original Normandy. Catherine laughed and leaned her head against his shoulder. "Okay, Romeo, we really need to practice that", she commented.

"Noted, ma'am", he answered, kissing her temple. Then, he tapped his omnitool a few times and the song changed. He watched another wave of realization wash over her face when she recognized the tune.

"You were really going to bring out the big guns if you hadn't convinced me by now, hm?" she asked when she put her arms around his shoulders. It was their song, as she had dubbed it after the wedding.

His arms encircled her waist as he pulled her close. "Well, yeah. I mean, that little speech earlier wasn't exactly planned. But I'm glad that things happened the way they did. Because now I can simply enjoy this without worrying about anything anymore", he let got of her, grabbed one of her hands and twirled her around, the motion accompanied by a shriek of laughter from Catherine, before he pulled her back to the safety of his arms.

Catherine shook her head, still grinning. "You are definitely crazy, Kaidan", she said.

"Only about you", he replied, causing his wife to snort.

"Okay, that was probably the cheesiest thing you ever said to me", she told him, her eyes sparkling with silent laughter. The sight of her, finally happy again, had him smiling as well while he reached for the clip that held back her hair. He took it out and threw it carelessly on the couch. "What are you doing?"

Kaidan didn't answer. Instead, he tangled his fingers in her long hair before he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. The kiss made her see stars and had her hold onto his shoulders because she feared that her legs were going to give out under her. When they came up for air, she whispered "Bedroom. Now", against his lips, the words a breathy order, before pulling him back in for another kiss. Kaidan was happy to follow her order, picking her up to carry her upstairs while still kissing her. He had her back and he was going to make damn sure that he'd never come close to losing her again.


	8. Lucky Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every now and then, the stars align, boy and girl meet by the great design  
>  Could it be that you and me are the lucky ones?  
> Everybody told me love was blind, then I saw your face and you blew my mind  
> Finally, you and me are the lucky ones this time
> 
> \- Lana del Rey, "Lucky Ones"

**28th July 2191**

"Cathy, wake up."

The woman in question groaned in response and buried her face in the bare chest she used as a pillow. The pillow vibrated with a chuckle and she felt fingertips tracing down her spine.

"Come on, wake up, love."

She shook her head, barely noticeable due to her position. She was way too comfortable right now to wake up. The fingertips made their way to her hip, leaving a tingling trail behind. She felt a kiss being placed on the top of her head and sighed. Yep, definitely too comfortable to wake up yet.

Suddenly, the fingertips vanished from her hip. Instead, she was grabbed and flipped on her back. Her eyes snapped open and she looked up at Kaidan who watched her with an amused smile on his face.

"Good morning", he said and kissed her before she could get a word in. She responded, her hand tangled in his dark hair as she tugged him closer. When he pulled away, another content sigh left her lips.

"I hope you have a good reason to wake me up when I could have slept in", she grumbled as her hand moved from his hair to his back, her fingers tracing a pattern on the warm skin.

"I do", he replied and reached over to his bedside table while balancing his weight on one elbow. "Happy anniversary", he said, pecking her lips again before handing her a small box she knew too well.

Catherine smiled when she saw it. Two months ago, she had handed it back to him, but now she couldn't open it fast enough. "Damn", she swore under her breath when the clasp wouldn't budge at first. Once she had the darned thing open, she saw an artfully engraved locket. "It's beautiful", she told Kaidan, smiling at him. She didn't own much jewelry except for her wedding ring because she simply didn't wear it, but the locket would be a an exception. She took it out of the box to get a closer look.

"Open it", Kaidan whispered in her ear before kissing her cheek.

Catherine nodded while looking for the clasp. When she found it, she carefully opened the pendant to reveal two images. On the left side was the same picture that was framed in the hallway downstairs, Kaidan and her at their wedding, his arms tightly wound around her while she leaned back into his embrace. On the right side was an older image of Jeremy, a back then still toothless grin lighting up his little face. She smiled at Kaidan and kissed him thoroughly after whispering "I love you" against his lips.

He leaned his head against hers after the kiss ended. "I love you, too", he said before pulling back and reaching for the locket to close it again. He then turned it around so she could see the back of the pendant. _Until my last breath. Kaidan_ was engraved in cursive writing. He got somewhat worried when he saw her eyes glisten with tears. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, searching her face for an answer.

"Nothing's wrong", she said and put her hand on his cheek, her thump tracing his lips softly. "It's … it's perfect. Thank you." She took the necklace from him again and struggled with the clasp. "Help me put it on?" she finally asked. Her fine motor skills still left a lot to be desired. Another reason why she didn't wear jewelry. She didn't have the patience to deal with tiny clasps of necklaces, bracelets or earrings.

"Of course", he agreed, still wary about her reaction. Catherine wasn't one to tear up easily. They sat up and Kaidan placed the piece of jewelry around her neck.

"So? What do you think?" she asked once the necklace was in place.

Kaidan smiled when he took in the sight in front of him. Blond hair still tousled from sleep, her blue eyes sparkling happily, the locket he had given her around her neck and the blanket pulled up to cover her naked form held in place by the hand that held her wedding ring. "Perfect", he simply stated before kissing her again.

After a moment, she pushed him away and on his back in one fluid motion, chuckling when she saw the flabbergasted expression on his face. "I guess since you gave me this", she touched the locket, "I can give you your gift, as well. Or at least part of it", she said.

"We'll have to be quiet, wouldn't want to wake Jeremy", he replied, a confident smirk now firmly in place as he reached for her waist to pull her close, but she swatted his hand away.

She rolled her eyes. "Get your mind out of the gutter", she chided. "And close your eyes while you're at it. And no peeking. That's an order."

"Yes, ma'am", he replied, mock-saluting her before complying.

Now it was her turn to reach for her bedside table. She opened the top drawer and reached in, finding what she was looking for quickly.

Kaidan felt something small and soft being placed on his chest.

"You can open your eyes now", Catherine said, watching his expression attentively.

Kaidan's eyes snapped open and to look at what she had placed on his chest. A tiny pair of shoes. He picked them up, studying the small shoes that weren't even meant for walking. He remembered that when Jeremy had gotten his first pair like these, the little boy hadn't even started crawling yet. Kaidan's eyes wandered from the shoes to Catherine and back again. "Since those aren't exactly going to fit me or Jer … does that mean what I think it means?" By the time he was finished, his gaze was fixated on his wife.

"I'm pregnant", she confirmed with a smile. "We're having another baby. Happy anniversary."

Kaidan put the shoes on his bedside table before pulling Catherine close to him and crushing his lips to hers in a kiss that made her see stars. When they had to stop to catch their breath, she put her head on his chest again, listening to the beating of his heart. His hand rested on her still flat abdomen.

"How far along are you? When did you find out?" he asked, still in awe. He hadn't expected this. They hadn't even talked about it. They were happy to have Jeremy, but they had never discussed the thought of having another one.

"Doc says about ten weeks, give or take a couple of days. And I found out a few days ago", she answered, smiling when she felt his fingers ghosting over her skin. "So … what do you think? I know we never really talked about it."

"What do I think? I think this is amazing", he replied, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. His hand stilled on her stomach when another thought entered his mind. "Wait a second. About ten weeks?" When Catherine nodded in confirmation, he smirked. "You don't suppose that this baby was conceived when we made up, do you?"

She laughed. "Could be, I mean, you were pretty insatiable that night if I remember correctly. Though we'll never know for sure", she said, smiling when he started to draw invisible lines on her stomach again.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you didn't exactly tell me to stop. Or ... wait. You actually did say stop _a lot_ that night. Though there was always a _don't_ in front of it", Kaidan replied, a smug smile on his face.

"Oh God. Stop right there. Please. I don't want to spend the rest of the day taking your ego back down several notches", she said, humor evident in her voice as she lifted her head to rest her chin on his chest so she could look at him, her tone a bit more serious when she spoke again. "What do you want? A boy or a girl? I mean, we don't have any say in it, but if you could choose. What would it be?"

Kaidan stayed silent for a moment, looking at her thoughtfully. His hand left her stomach and went to her back, pulling her closer. "A little girl would be great. We have an incredible boy already. So … yeah. A little girl that looks like her mom. That would be perfect", he finally said.

Catherine placed a soft kiss over his heart before looking at him again. "Sorry to burst your bubble, but I somehow don't see that happening. I mean, look at Jeremy. He looks like you, all dark hair and brown puppy-dog eyes. Those genes are dominant. There's a reason why there are way more people with dark hair and eyes than blond hair and blue eyes. You know, since that coloring is due to recessive genes and all that."

Kaidan shrugged. "It could still happen. We'll just have to wait and see."

She nodded slightly. "True." She glanced at the clock and sighed. "We should put on some clothes. It won't be long before Jeremy wakes up now."

Kaidan let go of her reluctantly and watched her intently when she slid out of the bed and reached for the shirt she had put on last night to sleep in – his shirt - until he had taken it off her again. Not that she had objected. She threw him the pajama pants that had somehow ended up next to the shirt on the floor next to her side of the bed. He quickly put them on before pulling her back into his arms. She didn't fight it but curled up in his embrace once more.

"Shouldn't we get up and prepare breakfast?" she asked, her voice muffled by his chest.

"You know our son. He'll just want his cereal, anyway. And I'd rather stay here with you for a few more minutes. But we probably should. I mean, you're eating for two now", he answered. She could hear him smile even though she couldn't see it.

"I doubt that a few minutes are gonna make a big difference", Catherine said. She raised her head when she heard the door open.

"That's what I call timing", Kaidan whispered in her ear before pecking her lips once more, earning them a heartfelt "Ewww!" from Jeremy. He had picked up the notion that girls were icky on the playground recently. "You're amazing", Kaidan added as an afterthought.

She turned to look at him, a mischievous smile on her face. "Funny. That's also what you said last night." She bit her lip to keep herself from laughing when she heard him groan softly at the implication behind her words.

Catherine sat up to look at her son, smiling when she saw that he had brought his beloved plush pyjak. Sometimes, she could have sworn that the toy was attached to his arm. "Good morning, sweetheart. Wanna crawl in?"

Jeremy nodded eagerly and almost jumped between his parents, causing them to laugh. He crawled underneath the blanket and rested his head on his father's arm while his mother wrapped her arm around him.

Catherine and Kaidan looked at each other, silently communicating. They would tell him about the baby later. For now, it was just the three of them.


	9. Defenceless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the sound of your voice at night, I love the taste of your lips  
> And when you look through me with your eyes, I can no longer resist  
> You leave me defenceless as I'm walking back home  
> You fill all my senses so I'm never alone  
> I'm left feeling fragile as you take me apart  
> Invasion of the heart  
> I love the way you keeping touching me. feels like you enter my skin  
> Sometimes I think you're the enemy, then I surrender within
> 
> \- Schmidt, "Defenceless"

**14th December 2191**

Wood crackled in the fireplace as Catherine leaned back against Kaidan's chest, his arms wrapped around her and his hands resting on her swollen stomach. They – or rather Kaidan, insisting that she wasn't allowed to help – had moved the coffee table out of the way and sat down on the soft carpet in front of the couch. Catherine had just settled down between his legs after tucking Jeremy in. The little boy had been dead on his feet from the excitement of the day but refused to go to sleep. It had taken a lot of sweet-talking to get him upstairs, but as soon as his head touched the pillow, he was out like a light.

"Thank you", Kaidan whispered in her ear before pressing a soft kiss to her neck.

"What for?" she asked while she got more comfortable in his embrace. It had been his idea to sit on the floor because Catherine had started to struggle when she had to get off the couch on her own about a week ago. To say that she hated it would be an understatement. She had defeated the Reapers for Pete's sake and now she had trouble to get off the couch because she was pregnant. It would have been pretty hilarious if she wasn't the one suffering from that fate.

"Keeping things quiet today", he explained, another kiss just below her ear following his words.

Catherine smiled and placed a hand on his thigh, giving it a light squeeze. "I figured you'd like it better this way. I mean, you don't turn forty every day, but I thought that you'd want to spend today with the family."

"You were right. It was nice to just have mom and dad over. And Hannah … I really didn't expect her, that's for sure." Catherine's mother was overseeing rebuilding efforts of the relays and colonies, still zipping around the galaxy at FTL speed. So it had been a big surprise to see her on their doorstep. Hannah simply explained that she was long overdue with some shore leave and that seeing her pregnant daughter and her son-in-law's fortieth birthday were pretty good excuses to take said leave. _"Besides, I'm a Rear Admiral. I can damn well do as I please",_ she had added, the same mischievous twinkle in her eyes that he saw in Catherine's eyes from time to time.

Catherine chuckled. "Same here. She didn't tell me that she would stop by. But Jeremy was over the moon to see her, so I guess I'll let it slide just this once." Her son usually saw his grandmother via vidcom, so every time she stopped by was a reason for the little boy to go rampant.

"Yeah … did you see his face when she gave him that toy dreadnought? I was worried that his eyes were going to pop out any second", Kaidan said, chuckling while his hands ghosted over Catherine's stomach. He stopped when he felt the baby kick and took a deep breath. "You'd think that since we already have Jeremy, it wouldn't be such a big deal to feel this little guy kick … but, damn, it is."

Catherine smiled and put her hand on top of his, intertwining their fingers. "I think that's something that never changes, no matter how many kids you have." She turned her head to kiss his cheek. "Sorry you're not getting the daughter you were hoping for", she murmured, her lips brushing his skin as she spoke.

Kaidan shook his head and looked into her eyes. "Nothing to be sorry about. We'll have two amazing boys instead of one. Sounds good to me. Besides, we can still try for that daughter." He muffled her laughter with his lips, kissing his wife briefly.

"Let's get this little guy out first, okay? Then we'll see how things turn out with two rugrats around and _then_ we'll talk about another one. Deal?" Catherine looked up at him expectantly, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Deal", he agreed and his free hand began to rub soft circles on her stomach.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments that was only broken when Catherine started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Kaidan asked, looking at her with his eyebrows slightly raised.

"I was just thinking about all the poor girls once our boys hit puberty. I mean, you can already tell that Jer is really taking after you in the looks department and I have a feeling that this one", she nodded to her baby bump, "won't be too different. So once they realize the effect they can have on girls, there will be a _lot_ of broken hearts", she said, still chuckling.

Kaidan snorted. "If they turn out anything like me, they'll be so oblivious it's not even funny anymore."

Catherine turned slightly so she could look at him. "Are you trying to tell me that you had no idea what one of those smoldering gazes of yours could do to a girl? Yeah, right."

He rolled his eyes. "That's exactly what I want to tell you. Besides, when I got to the age where things could have gotten interesting, I was at Jump Zero and had a lot of other things in mind. Even if I _was_ a teenage boy."

She looked at him, still skeptical. "But you must have had at least a hunch. Come on, Kaidan. You couldn't have been _that_ blind."

"In case you haven't noticed, when we met I was 32 years old and still put my foot in my mouth on a pretty regular basis when you were around. What does that tell you?" he asked.

Catherine grinned at him. "That I'm pretty damn impressive if I managed to have a thirty-something year old biotic fumbling for words."

Kaidan groaned and kissed her, if only to get her to be quiet for a second.

"I walked right into that one, huh?" he asked. "Besides, I told you about Rahna. Things didn't go too well back then. After that, I figured it would be easier to just … stay away, you know? If a biotic girl was afraid of me, what would normal girls be like? Once I joined the Alliance, I concentrated on my career, you know that. Well, at least until I started serving under this really hot Commander that reminded me that there were more important things than a career." He chuckled when he saw Catherine rolling her eyes and kissed her again. "What about you?" he asked once the kiss ended. "If we actually have a teenage daughter one day … Any reasons why I should get that Claymore out of the weapons locker in the basement?"

Catherine laughed and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "You'd be one of those fathers, huh?"

"Sure. Gotta watch out for my little girl. Besides, she wouldn't be allowed to date until she's thirty, anyway", he said, grinning.

Catherine rolled her eyes. "You realize that we met when I was 29, right?"

He nuzzled her neck and was rewarded with a soft sigh. "I know. But that wasn't my question, love. Any escapades from your teenage days that could serve as bad example for any daughter we might have?"

"I grew up on ships and space stations, Kaidan. There weren't too many kids around in the first place. And once I was old enough … let's just say that any servicemen at least close to my own age were too afraid of my mom to try anything, even if they _were_ interested", she explained.

Kaidan chuckled, his warm breath brushing over her skin. "I can imagine. Hannah can be pretty intimidating when she wants to be."

"The sad thing is … she wasn't even trying. But by the time I was a teenager, she had already made a name for herself, was a Commander and XO of the ships she was stationed on. I guess getting it on with Commander Hannah Shepard's daughter was just too much of a hot zone. Except … ", she trailed off and shook her head slightly.

Kaidan perked up at that. "Except?"

"Well … except for this one guy", Catherine offered and smiled when she felt her husband's arms tighten slightly around her.

"Is that so?" he asked. "What was his name?"

She couldn't help but laugh at that. "Why, are you jealous? Do you want to hunt him down even after all these years?"

He kissed her neck, that one spot that made her knees go weak and she was grateful that she was sitting already. "Why should I be jealous? You're _my_ wife, here in _my_ arms and pregnant with _our_ second child. I don't really feel the need to hunt down a guy you had a thing for almost twenty years ago."

Catherine bit her bottom lip at his words, her eyes drifted to their linked hands that rested on her stomach. Why hadn't she been able to be this confident about their relationship? Why had she jumped to conclusions? Kaidan seemed to guess where her thoughts were going and he gave her hand a light squeeze. She raised her eyes to meet his.

"Cathy, don't", he simply said.

"I'm sorry", she mumbled. She meant it. She had made things complicated between them instead of just talking to him.

" _Don't"_ , he repeated and leaned his forehead against hers, their noses touching. "Let's not think about it anymore, okay? It's not going to change anything. We're okay now, right? That's all that matters."

Catherine sighed. He was right. Bringing it up again and again wasn't going to magically make go away what had happened. "Okay … yeah, you're right", she agreed and kissed him softly.

She settled back into his embrace after the kiss, closing her eyes to just enjoy the moment. Kaidan got her attention by kissing the sensitive spot on her neck again. "You still haven't told me his name", he mumbled against her skin, causing her to chuckle.

"Fine, fine. His name was Colin Thompson, he was a Serviceman Third Class back then. We met when I was in high school. I stayed on Arcturus Station at the time, it was just easier that way. I was sixteen, he was twenty. And … I guess even my mom's imposing shadow wasn't enough to keep him away. We had a thing for a few of months while he was stationed on Arcturus, but when he was transferred, we broke it off. He … God, this is embarrassing … he was the first guy I kissed", she said, feeling the warmth creep onto her cheeks at the end.

"And I guess he was also the guy you did … other things with for the first time", Kaidan mumbled, his lips still peppering her neck with small kisses.

"Yeah, but that was years later. We lost contact a few months after he had left Arcturus, but we ran into each other again on Elysium. You know that I was on shore leave when the Blitz happened. So was he. Well, I walked into this bar and … there he sat, beer in hand. We talked and drank … a lot. And somewhere along the way we decided in our drunken stupor that it would be a great idea to go back to his hotel room. It was pretty underwhelming, to be honest, with a lot of drunken fumbling and … well, it ruined the whole thing for me. I had no desire to get close to a guy like that again anytime soon. I think he realized it and felt bad about it the next morning. The day after, the Blitz happened. After that, I was always just so busy with service or my N7 training that I didn't really have time to look for a guy. And I was okay with that, I was content … until I stumbled upon this Lieutenant with probably the best ass in the galaxy. And he slowly, but steadily turned my world upside down" Catherine explained, smiling when she felt her husband chuckle.

"Did Colin make it?" Kaidan asked. He really didn't feel any jealousy towards the guy.

"Yeah, he made it. We even kept in contact this time, even though we decided that we were far better off as friends. We were still in contact when I met you, by the way", she said. Kaidan's lips on her neck stayed still for a moment.

"Where is he now?" he wanted to know. Apparently, the guy meant something to his wife even if this was the first time he ever heard of him, but he was still genuinely interested.

"He went down with the Warsaw in the Battle of the Citadel", Catherine said quietly.

"I'm sorry", Kaidan said, giving her hand a light squeeze. That explained why she hadn't talked about Colin before.

"I lost a friend to the Reapers that day … though he wasn't the first and not the last, either", she replied. The first one they lost had been Jenkins, only minutes after setting foot on Eden Prime. The place where it all began.

"I know. A lot of good people sacrificed their lives to make sure that future generations got a chance to live", he agreed, his free hand softly stroking her stomach.

Catherine sighed. "Yeah." She paused a moment to focus again on the topic they had originally talked about. Catherine pulled away slightly to look at Kaidan. "Well, I guess what I actually wanted to say was … if we ever have a daughter and she takes after me at all, you won't need that Claymore. She'd probably be too busy with other things to pay attention to boys."

He chuckled. "If she'd take after you in the looks department, I would definitely need that shotgun. Because the boys would be drawn to her like moths to a flame, believe me."

She rolled her eyes. "You're kinda biased, Kaidan", she said, resting her head on his shoulder again, her lips trailing over his jaw with small kisses.

"Just telling you how it was for me … how it still is, really", he answered.

"If I'm supposed to be the flame in that scenario, you better watch out or might get burned", she joked.

"Yeah, wouldn't want that to happen. Though I gotta say … I really don't mind things getting hot from time to time", Kaidan said and managed to keep a straight face.

Catherine on the other hand couldn't help but laugh at his words. "You're lucky that today is your birthday. Any other day of the year and I wouldn't let you live _that_ sentence down."

Kaidan turned his head, his lips brushing hers as he spoke. "I know, Cathy. Believe me, I know", he mumbled before claiming her mouth in a kiss that effectively stopped her from saying anything else on the matter.


	10. Carry This Picture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carry this picture for luck, kept in a locket, tucked in your collar, close to your chest  
> Make it a secret, shown to the closest friends  
> And meet me at quarter to 7, the sun will still shine then at this time of year  
> We'll head to the inlet and we'll share a bottle there  
> And color the coast with your smile, it's the most genuine thing that I've ever seen
> 
> \- Dashboard Confessional, "Carry this Picture"

**9th February 2192**

When Catherine woke up in the hospital room, the sun was already setting and she was greeted with a sight that made her heart beat faster. Kaidan was standing in front of the window, looking down at their son as he talked to the small boy, a brilliant smile on his face. She felt movement next to her in the surprisingly comfortable hospital bed and looked down to see Jeremy curled up on top of the blanket. She smiled and pushed a stray strand of dark brown, almost black hair out of his face.

Jeremy had insisted to stay until his little brother was born, even though Kaidan's parents had offered to take him to their place, saying that it could take hours and he would get bored. It had indeed taken hours, but Jeremy had sat in the waiting room with his grandparents patiently, waiting for the new addition to their family to arrive. The long wait seemed to have taken its toll on the boy now, though.

"Hey there, sleepyhead." Kaidan's smoky voice brought her back to the present.

"Sleepyhead? Seriously? You try giving birth, then we'll talk", she replied, watching him as he crossed the room and pulled the chair closer to the bed, sitting down, the baby safe in his arms.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, concern showing on his face.

Catherine gave him a weak smile. "Exhausted. Like a platoon of Krogan stampeded over me. Take your pick. It's your fault, anyway."

"How is that my fault?" Kaidan asked, amusement evident in his voice.

"Because your son isn't exactly on the tiny side", she explained.

" _My_ son? Last time I checked, it took two people to make a baby", he answered, one eyebrow slightly raised.

"Yeah, but it's your fault that this little guy is as big as he is. It was the same with Jeremy, if you remember." Catherine bit her bottom lip when she saw the look of confusion that crossed her husband's face.

"You lost me there, love", he declared.

"When I was pregnant with Jeremy and it became obvious that he would be a big baby, I talked to my mom and yours, as well. I was just looking for some kind of advice, I guess. How to deal with the pain in my back and so on. Our mothers told me a thing or two about their pregnancies. Turns out, I was a tiny baby when I was born whereas you … weren't", she explained.

Kaidan rolled his eyes. "So it's my fault? You know, I can't really help genetics."

"Oh, I know. But it's nice that I can actually blame you that my whole body feels sore. I'll live, though. I mean, I felt the same way after this guy here and I made it out alright", she said, her fingers softly brushing over Jeremy's cheek.

Kaidan slightly nodded. "Yeah, I remember. Though you never did what my mom warned me about."

"And what would that be?" Now she had no idea what he was talking about.

"Apparently, she told my dad to never touch her again while she was in labor", he explained, grinning.

"Yeah … well, that explains why you don't have any siblings", she retorted. "But there's no way I could ever tell you that. I mean … you're way too good at what you do. I'd be crazy to tell you to keep your hands off me. And _please_ , do me a favor, wipe that smug grin off your face."

"Sorry, can't help it when you boost my ego like that", Kaidan said, chuckling softly.

Catherine rolled her eyes. "Stop being an ass and give me my son", she demanded smiling. She pulled herself up slowly, biting back a groan when the sore muscles in her body protested the movement.

Once she was propped up slightly, Kaidan placed the baby in her waiting arms, whispering "Thank you" against her lips before kissing her softly.

"For?" she asked.

"Giving me two healthy, perfect kids", he explained, looking at the baby in her arms and then at Jeremy, still curled up next to Catherine.

"My pleasure." She smiled when she saw two big blue eyes staring up at her, a mop of dark hair on her son's head. "Hey there", she whispered, the tip of her index finger slowly tracing over the small boy's cheek. "I told your daddy that you were going to end up with his dark hair, you know. But noooo, he wouldn't believe me", she continued softly before placing a soft kiss on her son's forehead.

Kaidan chuckled and shook his head slightly. Why he had thought exhaustion would keep her from teasing him, he didn't know.

"He still needs a name", Catherine said, looking down at the baby. He arrived two weeks early, apparently eager to see the world. They had thought that they'd have a bit more time left to pick out a name. So much for that theory.

"Yeah … I've been thinking about that while you were sleeping", Kaidan replied, reaching out to trace his son's arm with his fingertips. It was amazing. Sure, they already had a child and this wasn't new, but it was still completely overwhelming for the biotic and hard to wrap his mind around.

"So … any suggestions?" She asked, looking at him expectantly.

"What do you think of Nathan?" It hadn't been a name Kaidan had considered before but that had come to mind when he looked at his son.

Catherine bit her bottom lip, her eyes roaming over the baby in her arms. "Nathan Alenko", she tried, satisfied with the way the name rolled off her tongue. "It has a ring to it", she agreed, slightly nodding. "But I think we have to make a small adjustment. Nathan Robert Alenko."

"You want to give him my dad's name as middle name?" Kaidan asked, surprised.

"Why not? Jeremy's middle name is Anthony after my father, so ..." she trailed off mid-sentence when the baby in her arms shifted slightly. "What do you think, little man? Nathan Robert Alenko sound good?" The little boy yawned in response. "Well, that's … not a no, I think."

"Mommy?" a sleepy voice asked next to her.

Catherine smiled at Jeremy who rubbed his eyes. "Hey, sweetheart. I guess you already met this little guy here?" She nodded slightly towards the small boy she held tightly against her chest. Suddenly, Jeremy seemed to be wide awake.

He crawled further up the bed so he could be closer to his mother, his curious gaze was set on the baby in her arms. His grandpa had told him all about his duties as an older brother while they waited for the baby to be born. He had to watch out for his little brother, protect him. Jeremy had hovered around his daddy while he held the baby, studying the addition to their family. He looked so _small_. "Daddy said he doesn't have a name yet when I asked", Jeremy said.

"We were talking about that before you woke up", Catherine informed him. Might as well ask Jeremy. "We were thinking about calling him Nathan. Do you like it?"

Jeremy pondered for a moment, missing the amused look his parents exchanged at the serious expression on the three-year-old's face. Finally, he nodded. "I like it", he decided.

Catherine chuckled. "Then that's settled. Your name is Nathan", she told the baby.

"Mommy? Can I hold him?" Jeremy asked, looking at her eagerly with big brown eyes that made her heart melt. Yep, definitely the mirror image of his father and he had her wrapped around his little finger just as much.

"Sure. Sit up here", she told him, gesturing to the headboard of the hospital bed. He clambered into a sitting position eagerly. "Okay, hold your arms like I have mine", Catherine instructed. Jeremy mimicked her hold on the baby and Catherine rested Nathan against her chest a little more so she could adjust Jeremy's arms slightly. She then placed the baby in his waiting arms. "You have to support his head a little bit more", she said, moving his arms gently until she was satisfied. "There you go, big brother." She smiled as she took in the image in front of her. Her boys. It seemed like yesterday when she had held Jeremy the way he now held Nathan. Where did the time go?

She hadn't noticed Kaidan move around the bed until she saw the orange glow of his omnitool as he took a picture. "For that little gallery you have put up in the hallway", he told her before moving slightly to capture only his sons. "And I think we need to update the picture in your locket."

Catherine rolled her eyes. "Was the first one necessary? I look like sh-" she remembered Jeremy right next to her and stopped. "I look terrible", she corrected, earning her a chuckle from her husband.

"You look beautiful", Kaidan objected.

"I'm exhausted, sore, I wear a shirt I usually sleep in, my hair is a mess … yeah, right, I look like the winner of beauty pageant right now", Catherine murmured, but the pout she wanted to send Kaidan was replaced by a smile that lit up her face when she heard Jeremy talk to his little brother. She put her hand in front of her mouth to stifle her laughter when the three-year-old told the baby he held tightly that he'd share his toys with him. The laughter died in her throat when she heard him say that he would watch out for him and protect him and that he'd even give him his plush pyjak. She looked up to meet Kaidan's gaze, raising an eyebrow in silent question, but he simply shrugged.

"Jer ... why do you want to give him your pyjak?" Kaidan asked.

"Yeah, I thought you love Charlie", Catherine added.

Jeremy's eyes never left his little brother as he answered. "He needs Charlie more. And I'm a big brother now, I have to look out for him and I want him to be happy." He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world, rendering his parents speechless.

Catherine bit her bottom lip, blinking rapidly when she felt tears well up in her eyes. She looked up when she felt Kaidan's hand over hers, sqeezing it gently. She smiled at him before leaning down to press a soft kiss to the crown of Jeremy's head. "You're the best big brother he could wish for", she finally whispered into his hair. Up until this very moment, she had had no idea just _how_ right she was in calling him 'sweetheart'.


	11. Darkening Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Her hair is damp, her skin has turned cold, there's hardly a sound that she makes  
> Oh stay, my love, please open your eyes, and promise me you'll never leave  
> Oh my love, stay, my love  
> Hey, angel, there over her head, tell me the time hasn't come  
> Have mercy, please, on the one that I love, her body's too weary to run
> 
> \- Peter Bradley Adams, "Darkening Sky"

**22nd June 2192**

"Thank God that's over", Catherine muttered as she stepped outside of Alliance headquarters into the warm sun.

Next to her, Kaidan chuckled. "Hey, we were lucky. We expected to be stuck here all day", he said and watched as his wife turned her face towards to warming rays, her eyes closed. His omni-tool flared to life and he quickly took a picture. It was a beautiful and rare sight to see Catherine this calm and he wasn't going to let this opportunity go to waste.

Despite the fact that they had taken a few days of leave, they both had been called into headquarters for meetings today, leaving them little choice but to ask Kaidan's parents to watch Jeremy and Nathan. However, things had gone better than they had hoped for.

After his meeting, Kaidan had moved to his office to kill some time with paperwork while he waited for Catherine. However, half an hour later a soft cough from the doorway had gotten his attention. As soon as he had raised his head, Catherine entered the office, smiling. _"Ready to leave, Major?"_ she had asked, sitting down on the edge of the desk, crossing her long legs. Kaidan's eyes followed the movement and he had all but dropped the datapad in his hands, eager to get out of his office and back home. Who was he to turn down an opportunity to spend some time alone with his wife?

"True. So … what do you suggest we do until your parents bring the boys over later?" Catherine asked, smiling when she looked at Kaidan again, taking his appearance in once more. Maybe she did have a thing for a man in uniform, after all … or maybe it was the fact that she knew _exactly_ what was underneath that uniform that made her appreciate the view in front of her so much. Or it was just the way the pants hugged his ass so perfectly that she had a hard time controlling herself and not just grab it in public.

"Oh no. I know that look, Cathy", Kaidan said, one eyebrow raised.

"What look?" Her eyes widened a bit as she tried her best to look innocent.

"The look that tells me that you want to get home and drag me to our bedroom", he answered.

Catherine dropped the act, tilting her head slightly when she looked at him, eyebrows raised. "Says the guy who carried me up the staircase last night because apparently, I wasn't fast enough." She put her hands on his shoulders, let them rest there for a moment before she slowly started to drag them towards his chest. "Besides, who says that we'd even make it upstairs when there's a really comfortable couch in the living room?" The smile she gave him was coy and full of promises before her eyes dropped and followed the movement of her hands.

That was the moment she saw it. A red dot dancing on Kaidan's chest, directly over his heart. No. A thousand thoughts ran through her head at once, but the most prominent was a simple _NO_. This couldn't be happening. She wouldn't allow it. Catherine used the position of her hands, thanking whatever deity was looking out for her husband, and pushed him out of the way, moving with him. A heartbeat later, she heard a gunshot - and felt the impact of the bullet in her back, the force pushing her into Kaidan and she grabbed a hold on the front of his uniform.

Kaidan's gaze was fixated on her face and he looked at her quizzically when she paled visibly and her mood changed in a split-second. Then she pushed, making him stumble backwards. The sound of a gun being fired grabbed his attention before his eyes widened in terror when Catherine was hit and lost control over her body. He caught her, pulled her close to his chest with one arm while he raised a biotic barrier in front of him with his free hand, waiting for another bullet to fly their way.

"Kaidan?" Her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. Then, her legs suddenly gave way and she collapsed completely in his arms.

"Sh, it's gonna be okay", he told her, starting to back up to Alliance headquarters. His field medic training kicked in, but there was nothing he could do for her. He didn't even have medigel. He needed to get her to the medical wing of HQ. Fast. He could feel her blood pouring over his fingers. He looked alarmed when he felt her grip weaken. Her face had lost all color and her breathing came in short, irregular puffs.

"Are you okay?" she asked silently, her voice slightly choaked.

He couldn't hold back a humorless laugh. "You just caught a bullet and you ask _me_ if I'm okay? I am." His eyes scanned the area for any sign of another attack while he slowly backed up towards the building.

Catherine nodded slightly. Mission accomplished, then. The fabric of his uniform slipped from her fingers and her view lost focus. This wasn't the first time she was hit by a bullet, but it was her experience that told her this was a bad one. She had never lost focus this fast before. Never felt this weak this fast before. She saw the concern on Kaidan's face as he more or less dragged her towards the entrance of Alliance headquarters. This had to be _really_ bad if he let his guard slip like that. "I'm sorry", she whispered.

"What?" The words caught him off guard. What was she apologizing for?

Everything started to spin and she had to close her eyes for a moment. Not good. Not good at all. Despite the sun, she felt cold. She knew the feeling that was slowly creeping up on her. The lightheadedness while her body felt heavier with every passing second. She experienced it once already. Only then, the oxygen line on her hardsuit had ruptured and she hadn't been hit by a bullet. She was dying. "Take good care of the boys. Promise me."

Kaidan felt a chill running down his spine when she spoke, the knowledge why she said it making the blood in his veins run cold. "Oh no, you don't. You are _not_ going to die, you hear me? You are _not_ going to leave me, Catherine. Don't you dare", he whispered harshly.

"I love you." She had to fight the darkness that was clawing into her to get the words out. But she wanted, no, _needed_ him to know. Needed to say it for what was most likely going to be the last time. Content when his eyes found hers for a brief moment, she closed her eyes and let the darkness wash over her.

"No, no, no, Catherine, stay with me, you have to stay awake", Kaidan murmured when he saw her eyes close. He swore under his breath when she showed no reaction to his words. He dropped his barrier the second the automatic doors of Alliance headquarters closed and picked Catherine up, moving as fast as he could to the elevator. He didn't pay attention to the people looking at him, shock written on their faces when they recognized the savior of the galaxy unconscious in his arms, her blood dripping on the stone floor. All he cared about was to get his severely bleeding wife medical attention.

Someone must have alerted the staff because as soon as the elevator doors opened on the floor that held the medical facility, Kaidan was greeted by doctors who took her away from him and straight to surgery.

A few minutes later, he sat on an uncomfortable chair, staring down at his hands, covered in Catherine's blood. It wasn't the first time he had her blood on his hands. Hell, he lost count of the times he had patched her up in the field a long time ago on the first Normandy.

But this was different. They hadn't been in the battlefield, in the middle of a firefight, wearing armor equipped with shield generators. No. They had discussed how to spend their unexpected free afternoon, joking around, teasing each other. She had smiled up at him, that amused spark he loved so much twinkling in her blue eyes. A moment later, she was in his arms, heavily bleeding and rapidly losing consciousness.

This couldn't be happening. He couldn't lose her. He just couldn't. Not again. It tore him apart the first time … and back then, they hadn't been together for years, hadn't built a life together, hadn't been married, didn't have kids.

Jeremy. What was he supposed to tell his son why his mother wasn't home? Nathan. The little boy didn't even know his mother. Recognizing her when he saw her wasn't the same as knowing her, or calling her 'Mommy' like Jeremy did.

Kaidan shook his head. She couldn't die. She had to fight. If not for him, then for the boys she told him to take care of. She just _had_ to. Because he couldn't do this without her.

He could feel the blood dry on his hands and got up. He had to get cleaned up, at least a little because there was nothing he could do about his clothes that were drenched with blood. In the restroom, he scrubbed his hands almost furiously, trying to get rid of the reminder that his wife was in surgery right now, fighting for her life.

Kaidan raised his head and looked in the mirror, only noticing now that at some point, tears had streamed down his face. He saw the still wet tracks they left on his cheeks, but he didn't feel anything. He was hollow inside and he knew that wouldn't change until he got word from the doctors currently doing their best to keep Catherine alive.

Once his hands were clean, he left the restroom, walking back to the chair he had occupied earlier. He sat down, staring at the doors that led to the surgery room, silently praying to whatever deity willing to listen to let her survive this. From the amount of blood she had lost in the short amount of time, the bullet that hit her – the bullet that was meant for him, he concluded, because she pushed him out of harms way – must have hit an artery. She took the goddamn thing for him. Risked her life to safe his. Kaidan rubbed his hands over his face. This wasn't fair. Hadn't she been through enough already? Sacrificed enough? He didn't dare to think that her luck might have run out this time.

Another question came to Kaidan's mind. Who was the shooter? Who had he pissed off so much that they wanted him dead? He didn't have the slightest idea, which didn't help to calm his anxiety. He would find out. There had to be security footage. He vowed to himself that he would find out who the shooter was. And then there would be hell to pay. If he lost Catherine because of this … no. He couldn't think like that. He wouldn't allow himself to think about the possibility.

The beeping of his omni-tool got his attention. "God, no", he murmured when he saw the caller-ID. His mother. Reluctantly, he went to the empty waiting room and answered the call.

_"Kaidan, what took you so – my God, what happened?"_ Ivy Alenko's cheerful tone changed to fearful concern when she saw her son.

"Is Jeremy around?" he asked. He didn't want his son to hear what had happened.

_"No, he's in the backyard with your father. What happened, Kaidan?"_ she repeated.

"Catherine was shot. She's … she's in surgery right now." His gaze dropped from the omni-tool to the floor when he fought to keep control of his voice. A fight he knew he couldn't win. When he looked at his mother again, he saw that her hand was clamped over her mouth, shock written all over her face. "I … Mom, I'm not sure if she's gonna make it. She lost a lot of blood. There … God, there was so much blood." To think it was one thing, but to actually say it out loud … Kaidan felt his eyes grow moist again. The sight of blood shouldn't faze him like this. He was a soldier. But ... damn it, right now, Catherine wasn't a fellow marine that got hit on duty but his wife.

_"Kaidan …"_ Ivy started, but she had no idea what to say. She knew that there were no words that could make her son feel better.

"Can the boys … could you keep them tonight? I … I don't know how long this surgery's going to take and I want to be here when they're finished. And … I don't know … I don't think I'd be able to function right now", he said, rubbing over his eyes with his free hand.

He saw his mother nodding. _"Of course. Do you need anything? I could send your father-"_

"Don't tell Jer what happened. Why he's staying over. Make something up. I ... I don't want him to know. I don't need anything. I … I'm okay. I think. I can't really think straight at the moment, Mom, sorry. Not until ...", he admitted, his eyes wandering to the doors that led to the surgery room.

_"I'll think of something. He's too young to hear something like that. And don't apologize. It's understandable. If you need anything at all, let me know, okay"_ , she asked.

"I will. Thanks. Look, I … I gotta go. I don't ..." He really needed to get back in case anyone left the room and could tell him anything at all about Catherine's condition.

Ivy nodded. _"It's okay. Please, call me if you hear anything."_

"Yeah. Bye, Mom. And thanks." He ended the call and hurried back to the chair he had left earlier. He wouldn't move again until there was any word on Catherine's condition. Until they told him that she was going to make it.


End file.
